Random Paradox(s)
 

the air is cold tonight, can you feel the heat
space is scarce and crowded, walking along deserted streets
rough pounding feet, softly gracing the ground
murmurous heart beats, deafening to the sound.
tastefully sweet, salt had never been so sour
knowledge is bliss and those ignorant hold power
standing patiently by the hour while hastily running out of time
many quick to speak, without a single thought in their mind
compassion for mankind thats why humanity plays cruel
a free nation imprisoned, by societal rules


'stand for nothing, fall for everything'



*edited for punctuality

This is awesome...
I cant find one negative aspect to it..
Very cleverly written.
First impressions make an impact, I look forward to reading more of your work.

Kudos~

thanks for viewing and taking time to drop a line.

I'll do likewise.

Very good piece...I hope to see more of this...You have talent...

peAce

some people are capable of typing more than
just a sentence jes..youll see...this was a
decent start and you used good
adjectives such as "tastefully sweet"

standing patiently by the hour while hastily running out of time
many quick to speak,

your flow picked up there and this could have been streached
out into a verse...something rhyming with speak...more story*

overall this was a nice piece...nothing to critique

thanks all.

Content, I appreciate you getting into a little detail. to be honest, I wrote this not as a story but independent paradoxs attempting to lead from one end of the spectrum to the other (gentle to harsh), with some flow and transition. Then again, it may never really have had any direction being as it was written in 10 minutes. This was just my intial train of thought and I'll probably ride the train in the same direction, and lengthen this. Maybe make a little more sense too. thanks.

At first i thought a soft yet quite stinging sociological analysis of the world today. Especially in the 'west'. And i guess, it was.

But also playing on the edges of poetry by using the variation, but overall gradual (yet subtle) build up in power of imagery and detail. The more you went on, the more intense it got.

Short, but got the point across well. That's something hard to do.

..resp...

^^ definately what I wanted to get across. thanks for stopping by

For an off the cuff piece you did get your point across. Nice job... I understand your views...Modern Society is well on it's way to total catastrophy. Your subtle yet bazing approach gives the reader time to produce a feeling, one which you helped coach. This piece can appeal to everyone, even if they do not feel the same as the author, the issue is a very real and honest one. Socialogically we are facing our greatist test as a nation. Do we continue to blindly step forward into the realm realization or do we pull the wool from our eye's and see the issue's in a new light. I like to say ignorance is bliss, for many of the same reasons awarness is painfull... Just my thoughts... I love that fact that you are intellectual, I look forward to reading more from you in the discussion threads...

Much respect Mija...

Yeah it seemed like a calm piece. It kept my attention to the end.

Peace

Shiznit's Thoughts:

Meaningful verse that was supported with reality. Cant be any more artistic than that.

Derived from references such as our world today taken quite the aspect of what u want to express through words.

Short but imagery came across the terminology.

Props for this simple yet inspirable poem.

Rhetorical Insight would enhance the ability to express one image and reflect it through writing. Drop some. THanks