Optimism.
 

introduction:

The glass is clear, the past is feared. . Bad news is all these bastards hear
The masses think. . Hell -- nearly hope -- that the next disaster's near

thoughts:

The world's moving on a Harley. . I feel as if I'm on a half-assed ten-speed
It's a wonder our minds are blundered. . Always, we see the glass half empty
The joy is gone. . Why live life to the fullest, when all events are scrutinized?
Attention has shifted in an instant. . A full-on attempt to loot the eyes
Acceptance has flipped. . From positive thoughts to shock and awe
We love Fifty Cent's gun music. . Before, 'twas Sandler's "cock and balls"
Upon 60 Minutes' commencement, I'd love to embed my swords in ears
Is it "post-9/11?" Or a shift in thought we've been headed towards for years
Media discretion out the window. . Backpacking? Naw, I'm all for positivity
We don't get back on the horse, anymore. . In this black world, our falls deposit misery
Whose fault? Ours! I hope you realize, it can be altered in an easy way
In the "game of life," we need to return. . Be the stalkers and seize the day
This is but a piece of the puzzle. . Take it, and sucess is more than explorable
To the crowds on anti-depressants. . It's your fault, you hoard the deplorable
We've left our roots in the darkness. . It's time life returns to part the forefront
If our lives are Overcast, then change them. . We must learn and start to store sun

conclusion:

Franklin? Whitman? Aesop. . Maybe, but I'm not the least bit of Poe
If depression claims you. . Find sunshine. If you don't, remember: you reap what you sew

theres sumthin in here i dont quite understand.... good msg tho for sum1 who understands what all this well put together drivel means.... thumbs up nigga keep that shit comin

What don't you understand?

r yah tryin to tell a story with this? cuz i dunno readin it it sounds good but i dunno what yah talkin bout realli dude thas all im sayin

It's not a story. It's a look from the other spectrum of things. We're used to the sob-stories and anti-life sentiment from pieces such as the "all-star collab," and I feel that only getting a chance to read them is as unjustified as anything.

nice change of pace from other open mics...


this was uplifting and optimistic as opposed to the usual "life sucks". you really put out a positive and hopeful vibe with this and i applaud you for it. i wont bother rating you on the basics of Open Mics cause you already know..

Franklin? Whitman? Aesop. . Maybe, but I'm not the least bit of Poe
If depression claims you. . Find sunshine. If you don't, remember: you reap what you sew

^dopeness..good advice for day to day life.

9/10

upped for the night! feedback is respected and will be returned, no doubt.

Yeah, this was a lot doper than half the bullshit that gets posted in this forum, i hate when stuff like this gets slept on. .
Not a bad read, opening two lines were good, nicely worded, multi's were there but the lines were too strched syllable-wise to get down that perfect flow, its like you were one syllable out or something, try making it like:

The glass is clear, past is feared. . Bad news is all these bastards hear
The masses think. . Hell -- nearly hope -- the next disaster's near

See how that runs off the tongue better? Maybe its just me, but that sounds a lot soother now than it did, i usually go for between 12 & 16 syllables per line. Aside from that, the content was decent, raised a few ideas i havent seen done before, i liked the "forefront/store sun" bar, and the conclusion was nice worded, but again, just cut out some of the syllables or break the bar down, so that it reads dopely - that was my only real flaw with it.

Oh, and tell that guy IlluGin613 to suck a fat dick, he wouldnt know a good open mic if it slept with his sperm whale of a mom.

Franklin? Whitman? Aesop. . Maybe, but I'm not the least bit of Poe
If depression claims you. . Find sunshine. If you don't, remember: you reap what you sew

that was a tight line....
This is basically one of the most constructive Open Mics to be put out in a while.It was a good drop all in all,flow worked with it, but to me, it felt like a poetry read then lik a rap verse, but even still the topic was good, and it was nice to take a turn from whats going on and shit. Good shit.

This is but a piece of the puzzle. . Take it, and sucess is more than explorable
To the crowds on anti-depressants. . It's your fault, you hoard the deplorable

I was feelin those lines right there. Some real good shit. i hope to see more from you.

I appreciate the feed-back. . I agree with your qualms with my flow, Cam; it needs work. But, at the same time, I don't want it to turn into a senseless jumble of multi's a la every frequent flyer in (Elite) Front Lines.

3rd person view worked great to process your message it is real ill twin i wanna see more

UPPED for some more feedback, please.

I dont see what there is thats not understood all you
have to do is read..this was a spoken word type of piece...

Done pretty well g you probaly shortened this because
theres many avenues that you could have taken
with this here..nicely done

Do you like reading in front of lots of people?
If so you would get rounds of applause
because this is probaly longer than you posted

peace

"Franklin? Whitman? Aesop. . Maybe, but I'm not the least bit of Poe
If depression claims you. . Find sunshine. If you don't, remember: you reap what you sew- despite this jab at my favorite poet it was a very good line.

The message was very good but as I read it i sensed just a hint of sarcasm at the bleak way we as a people get through life. What I took from it is you are saying that as much as we bitch and moan we like to suffer and I agree. Overall I would give this a 10/10 it lacked nothing and it had a message we would all do well to heed. Those who don't understand most likely haven't attained the maturity to understand the cynical world we live in don't let it get you down. 1

^my sentiments exactly^