~!death!~
 

~!DEATH!~


One dark night it may be your destiny to meet,
a hooded figure in the shadows, on a darkened street!


HE'LL step out from the shadows and in a whisper low,
HE'LL tell YOU it's time to JOIN HIM, it's time forYOU to go!

No one else can see HIM just your eyes alone!


It's only YOU he's come for!
Tonight YOU won't be going home!


What you bragged you weren't afraid of, has come to see if it is true!
DEATH puts his hand upon your shoulder, YOU don't know what to do!


As you look into his empty eyes, you remember the taking of other's lives!


DEATH has joined the party as an uninvited guest!
Though YOU may not know it, HE'S there at your
REQUEST!


It may be the drugs you're using or a bullet from someone's gun.
But DEATH has waited patiently while YOU had your fun!


You've taunted HIM, you've teased and won,
but this night, HE'LL have your mother's son!


Remember how you've laughed, you dared DEATH to strike!
YOU said, "YOU weren't afraid for HIM to take your LIFE!"


YOU find your mind is racing, YOU want to make a DEAL!
YOU bragged how unafraid YOU were, but now,
HOW DO YOU FEEL?


YOU TEMPTED HIM, YOU DARED HIM,
everything was fun.
The GAME is finally over.
It looks like


DEATH HAS WON!!

LOOKIN 4 CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM PLZ~1LUV~

like the topic. decent piece. to me this piece had such a melodious tone, seemed like something you tell around a campfire to scare others. simplistic, but it tells a story.

"YOU want to make a DEAL!
YOU bragged how unafraid YOU were, but now,
HOW DO YOU FEEL?"

best line. stood out because of the change in speech (3rd to 1st person)

good post.

Thanks 4 tha feedbak~1~

i loved it i read da shit over an over an over to bad im not afraid of death cause only evil people fear da grave but for those who r evil dis poem wont sit right wit them i give it a FUCKING 500000000000000000000 OUT OF 500000000000000000000

I really do think those exclamation marks take the seriousness away (well a bit).

But apart from that, it was a very good piece. Slowly but surely getting to the point of death, and how people tease it. I especially thought about the slums, ghettos etc. with this piece. How people know it's there, but they take the pro's of what they doing over the negatives (death being the extreme).

It was a solid piece, made even better by the approach. Quite simple, but hard to pull off. You did it to good effect. It seemed very much like it was being said from amid it all.

..resp....

Chilling, and simply irrie. I can picture you telling this over a camp fire as mentioned before. You know exactly what people are thinking as they read this, "I have said that", "I have done that", then a pause....Whoa, this is real close to home for many.... We all know death is inevitable, but when were staring it in it's face, that's whole new reality. Thanks for the chills...

I was feelin' this piece ma...ya flow was on point and you stuck to da topic...keep doin' ya thing girl...holla...

Thanx 4 tha feedbak.~Verentao~Thank u 4 havin really smart eyes that was tha whole meanin.I mean ppl like to tease death cuz they dont think their goin to go anytyme soon , but in reality u dnt know wen its cumin but you better b prepared wen it does!Thanx for the reply!~bouncedoggydog~glad to hear i gave u tha chills but wen it cums to death i think everyone should!! ~1luv~