SS:Frightful Desire
 

The life through which eyes blur different observations
Through which all seen is full of wonderful creations
Yet I'm scared of going through with getting near these things
Everything became dented through all Of Original Sin
The frightful desire still pushes me closer to life
But I still feel shy,leaving conditions that I like
I attempt to get closer, life is full of wonderful occurences
Regeneration of wonder brought by certain recurrences
The matter of life, pain and perserverence that others seem to lead
Lives headed by so much evil,life by so much deed
I'm scared but I still want to get closer to my goal
I can't stay locked up in this room until old
I am trying to become bold, I decide to head towards my door
Then the reason finally appeare to me, at my life's core
I have no idea in life at what I am doing
Frightful desire is common, for those scared, to leave the instituion

A LIL OFF BUT WAS A GREAT READ I EXPECT THAT FROM YOU SO THE DAY YOU DISSAPOINT ME YOU WILL HERE IT ALL OVER....TIGHT NIT PAPA

thanks for the comment^^^makes me a bit scared,lol j/p. Uppin for more comments.

lol At us POsting 2 SS Pieces On Open Mic At the Same Time.

Rhyming/Flow
Flow Was Dope Dawg, Sailed Smoothly Throught, No Cracks Or DEnts In It At All, LIked The Innerline Rhyming, nice...8/1-

Vocab/Wordplay
You had Dope Vocab here, "I attempt to get closer, life is full of wonderful occurences
Regeneration of wonder brought by certain recurrences" - Thats One Of My favourite Bars, BUt Overall You Had A Good Complex, Knowledgably Vocab, Which Really Showed Through Here....7/10

Concept/Topic
You Were Givin' A Topic, And You PLayed It Out nicely. Expressing Several Differant Aspects: I'm scared but I still want to get closer to my goal - Fearful
I can't stay locked up in this room until old - Withdrawn...
..Nice...8/10

Overall
8/10, Was A Good Piece, I'm INterested To Know How Far It'll get In Sacred Scriptures, BUt In My Opinon, It's A Dope Joint..

Word!

lol it was a no show verse. I posted it, because i really didn't agree with the topic, but hell it was good.

Yeah, flow and vocab were easily this pieces strong points, its a shame it was wasted over a no-show but ehhhh, shjit happens you know? Your opener was pretty nice, good descriptions and held my concentration nicely, flow got a little sketchy toward the body of the verse, but not too much.

^ My fave. l;ine from this piece, it was just worded pretty dopely and easily stood out as i read it, only real flaw was its length, you should of made it longer to get more indepth with the topic, but still, not bad my man. : )

thanks for the comments and uppin nonetheless

UP!

a good verse flow an vocab was hot nice read good topic 1

Super Uppity Up!

Very good here...

as others have said...

flow and vocab...
were very nice...

Good piece...

Fuckin no-shows...

I swear...
They turn...
out to be...
the best verses...

What?...

Word to that^^



What?


<---I'm special like that.