A Dream ( Searchin
 

This was kinda old and I was going through old
notebooks but work with me on this..
about two years young...

~Content~
Ive been searchin but your the one I want in my life baby,
And I believe in you too your all I really need except cream,
Bring forth that happiness to truly live out our dreams,
You were in mine lookin too fine starin out of a window
On an early sunday morning I was rising from my slumber
After party n bull...but back to your ass standing by a piano
With a silver silk robe on..sun blazin that lovely silhouette
Upon a 'blue' carpet but im 'happy' though no 'sad' times
With you makin me think about children someday
Wishin that I had mine with you.....
Like the late great Aaliyah girl your one in a million
Its real..I only hope that you feel how im feelin,
With mind blowin decisions on this two way street..
We cant collide we need to make ends meet,
You had my back through it all and that cant be replaced,
Im missin your body missin your face and that voice,
I placed my hands upon your shoulders your waist
Said good morning fealt a kiss then it all went blank,
Your damn straight I was feenin for that butterscotch taste
To kiss you where bikinis barely miss you amazed*,
Can we be livin ths dream..outta everyone that
Ive seen to everywhere that ive went you stand out
Amongst the faces adjacent a dime a dove a love,
I could be wrong but I think your the one, (One!)
Once again..can you be there through the think and the thin,
There for me when I never lose therefore there when I win?

@ - a + c All Rights Reserved..Alright*

listening to twista when I wrote this
~Twista-Hey Lover Boy~

and I dont do this anymore but I used to write dreams
down if paper was near me before I forgot..then
I would construct rhymes from the dreams...
call me crazy..I dont care...think this sucks...I dont care

would enjoy to collab with..profitt..varentao..calisto...
nancy..remarquabl...camarac...danfamous..ubnn sonned
cant think of more good 1's

la paz

hey

yeh man i felt this, i wrote something like this back in the day, i can relate, it was good in the way it was written, kept me interested,

anyway
keep droppin
peace

I placed my hands upon your shoulders your waist
Said good morning fealt a kiss then it all went blank,
Your damn straight I was feenin for that butterscotch taste
To kiss you where bikinis barely miss you amazed*,


Niiiiiiiiiiccccccccccceeeeeeeee lines right here dawg. Overall I liked it the flow was kinda off and then i read it as if twista was flowing and it fit. The poem was off center and it made it a more interesting read.
Upon a 'blue' carpet but im 'happy' though no 'sad' times
With you makin me think about children someday
Wishin that I had mine with you.....
Like the late great Aaliyah girl your one in a million--that is wordplay and not that played bullshit recycled and changed to sound new its original and witty. But these so called freestylers wouldn't understand it, too much intelligence for them I guess.
I'd be honored to collab with you. But what happened to the PT collab?

I got a genius idea for us to collab on!!!! MMk I'll talk to you about that later, jus remind me cause I'm forgetful. To the peice: (sounded like to the batcave)
You could tell it was older, it doesn't seem to be the style I'm used to reading from you. Though it is a nice, very depictive peice... I can understand missing some one, missing their touch. And it shows that you did care about her because the little things you missed were very true to a deeper relationship. My fav line was the one about kissing where bikini's miss... jus somethin about it, maybe it's that it was left to the reader's imagination and that was why it stood out to me, but I read that part several times over. Loved the peice, liked seeing how you used to write in comparison to your current style. Makes me feel like their's hope yet that I may some day be on your level. Haha, likin the peice, and I wouldn't mind readin some more of your older stuff as well. Peace buuuuuuuddy

lemme know whats on your mind genius...
dont hate on the badcave..or robin...hes 'gangsta'
with his protective belt and gay colors..teen titans
made hm look cool though..im down to collab...
on somethin stimulating...and go to sleep for a
good minute...peace

Shiznit's Thoughts

VOCABULARY/WORDPLAY

>> The chosen words to the intro was very weak. It was like summing up everything more likely used at the end.
"cream" alright i know that this can be a real necessity but on the idea u wanted to get, it didnt quite fit.
Reverse some other parts depending on how the idea started but it was alright at some points. Props for well used terminology.


FLOW/RHYME SCHEME

>> i cant quite criticize the flow of the whole piece cuz i really think that it fitted well according to the pattern of levelness despite at some weak points but it was caught expertly by its unique repairment.
>> Revealing the idea of the scheme made it possible to speak it word by word.

CONTENT

>>Passionate emotions rolled the hay on this one. Sometimes certain feelings like this lead to obssession one way or another. The refractions on the other hand helped as you crossed your way towards what u wanted to express.

OVERALL

>>Real nice but as youve said. It was written way back so maybe it had some flaws here and there but the realization and true emotions were attached so that made it a quite brilliant piece.

Method Man - Your All I Need*

I dont need money like crazy flippin hoppin trollies for
transport late night trippin cream shiznit...but I do need
to pay bills and keep a roof over mi head..and some food...
some toothpaste...some deodorant...money for gas...
money for the bus or a bus pass..I honestly think I
need cream so im not homeless...its just not my thing

um shiznit...I suppose your filthy rich still in school
and not kickin a nine to fivers anthem then and
having a roof over you isnt improtant...the downtown
cardboard box just dosent look that nice to me girl..

I appologize for not meeting up to your great expectations
and ill work on it years from now since its old and all

the intros sung somewhat..in audio you may think differently
and a lil more souls added into it like snoop says on his
'I believe in you too' song....if you ever listend to twista
you might think a tad differently about how everything flows...

text does me no justice whatsoever so I understand where
your coming from...its fast..not as fast as bizzy bone or twista
but fast indeed...thank you for readng somewhat though

^just did my constructive critisms. NO EXPECTATIONS AT ALL. Just reading and appreciating art all throughout.

completely understandable shiz..I apprecite it forreal

One more comment.

"um shiznit...I suppose your filthy rich still in school
and not kickin a nine to fivers anthem then and
having a roof over you isnt improtant."

^^I disagree. Im thinking Filthy Rich is not written in my destiny. And if it did i would be lucky and not like striving hard to earn just to take that one giant step of my life. I am gonna be 18 in 2 weeks from now and yet i still cant afford to get my own place. I guess having a roof over me is quite a necessity. Sometimes things arent just suppose to be what they want them to be. I guess my destiny is switching paths to happiness and im thinking God has a different plan for me.

And despite all that..im happy..cuz i have a family and i have someone who loves me and would keep on loving me till my last breath.

^^Point is, your piece reflected upon the realization of life and i did understand what u wanted to express.

Just like what every other rb members say. >> That is WORD!

Content, you really do write good stuff and your poetry shows a lot of talent.

But on the real, everyone needs to stop taking everything so seriously and personal. It's the internet, it aint no thing. Even in real life, all y'all could use (Forgive me for saying this) a chill pill.

On the real, yo.

I agree..ill be the first to say im extremely defensive
in real life and everything in between as a lyricist but
I honestly respect all forms of feedback because it
makes me better and more creative...I dont know
any other way to explain it man.....im american*

and a prick sometimes after hearing everything in
real life carried over to this here....if someone annoyed
me I just might kick their four hundred gajillion dollar
camera if need be....then kill them and send em
to a river in the back of my corsica....

thank you for replying I honestly appreciate it