~My Vision~(life story)
 

Aight this my 1st Open Mic


its all a struggle since i was young, now i sip this forty/
thinkin bout lifes story, and how courts just ingnore me/
everyday is boring, aint nothin else to do but drink 'n smoke/
no joke, nothin but truth in everything i have spoke/
and i hope, and pray for better dayz, i do it everyday/
once againGod 'let me pray', i want peace in every way/
let me estmate tha fake, 'i cant- cuz too many motherfuckers lyin'/
thats why i quit tryin, and how come so many innocent ppl dyin/
and tha hurt R left cryin, hidin behind invisable walls/
to tha haterz: "Fuck EM ALL", i gives dont give a fuck , im livin to ball/
i refuse to fall, like 'Pac 'n da 'Lawz, thru tha hate 'Still i Rise'/
yall reasons why?, ignorant fuckerez continue to lie/
so i get high, intoxicated, as i write this im gettin faded/
one day i'll say it, "you hated, but see, still i made it/
so congradulate it, bow down to me and my crown/
to those who down, thanx fo reppin- atleast for now/
cuz ive seen peeps in my town, turn from homie to Enemy/
they some lonely heartless mothefuckers, no good fags all on my positive energy /
lifes a trip, haterz hear my wisdom, feel my knowledge/
get an education- go 2 college, or youll get demolished/
my games polished, ima outcast but i stay fresh n clean/
wit a gangsta lean, khakis creased, just peep them seems.

positive + message, negative - lines, overall pretty whack in my opionion, in a nice way, you got the flow which is good, but it lacked qualities, keep uppin

^^^^I guess


LOL ANYWAYZ UPPUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

naw ......that shit was good

it didnt have meta s but it didnt need it.

it was venting and descriptive.

your shit was better than most of the pompous ,self indulgant, and inane ramblings that are on this forum.

your shit actually had a point.

^^^^^^^^^^^MAN I am startin to Love RB..........wit this positiveness in here i got the vibe

Thanks

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I thought this was good,
fuck the kid who said it was whack
the flow was good, vocab could be a little better, but it was good
tight shit dawg tight shit
keep droppin
peace

Thanks for the LOVE yo

UPPUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN NNNNNNNNN give me suggestions how to make my next one better

It Was Nice...Nice Feeling Put Into It...

Wud Have Been Better Wit Multi's And Shit In It...But Overall It Was A Nice Piece...

Keep Dropping Them...

Thnx for the advice^^^^^^^^ i apreciate it wus my 1st OPEN MIC ALL YA SO THANKS


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the story telling was good the rhyming was simple though and it hurt the peice a bit you could always up that volcab aside from that though i thought it was a solid peice keep it up

Thanks for the comments i apreciate it

WUN

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