My Life Crack
 

Just a quick poem to try the concept

Constriction in my beggining trapped in subpar grace~
an image of hardship between a rock and a hard place~
my beatiful insides locked under everyday life~
i feel taunts where i lay and bare everyday strife~
a crack of an opening shines on me as hope~
but shadows surround me i strive to grow as i mope~
the rain of reality storms down pounding my back i fight~
glaring up hoping to see a silver lining in the crack of life~
i feel my history grow long and my roots strengthen~
as death flows through my hole im taught a true lesson~
i alone try to stand tall but hell's palace consumes me~
heaven's shadows profusely cast me out bullets confuse me~
never to lose me but im lost must i continue to push~
i feel stomping erasing life imagine things within u death took~
its darkest before dawn and as i begin to shrivel in a fleeting song~
i am the rose that failed to grow through the creted-con~

tell me wut u think, i originally intended to survive but thats not really wut im feelin, 1luv.

comon....elevation is key, 1luv.

nice drop
im diggin the concept of constriction

your rhymes were basic but ya your point accross well

favorite line:
i feel my history grow long and my roots strengthen~
as death flows through my hole im taught a true lesson~


keep elevatin - pz DF

Shiznit's THoughts:

Despite the raw emotions presented in this piece, it showed the true visions of reality you have at the moment.

Terminology didnt help much at all because u came hard and direct to the point. Imagery was subtle.

The whole piece intended to surpass somethings that you may have wanted but didnt reach and was afraid to even try. The urge of what u think how your life is affected your perspective from being determined to strive.

It seems to me that you have something in your chest that you really wanted someone to acknowledge and the emotions acompanied the ultimate desire to execute such an inspirational piece.

Couldve added a little bit more and if were internal meaning attach creatively, it would be better.

It was good.

i feel nails everywhere should rub their heads in pain after being hit by u shiznit, thanks for the replies both, 1luv.

been reading any of 2pac's poems latley? the rose that grew from concret? i liked how you took his idea in the end but turned it around, made it a tad depressing, but if its what your feeling its what your feeling.

my beatiful insides locked under everyday life

liked this line, and i feel it, i can relate to it.
i know you put forth to have some emotion in this piece but it didnt come throu very strong i felt it in some places but not enough, keep writing from the heart and dont be afraid to explore yourself trying seeing things in a different light

all and all this was a pretty good piece keep them coming for me

~Tera~
DONT HATE

not really the idea just came to me but thanks for the reply, uppin, 1luv.

How quickly did you do this? I'm interested...because it was quite personal, yet 'profoundly solid'. At times more than solid.

It was compressed fairly well. Couldn't see any loose parts. Bringing an intensely flowing atmosphere of your varying yet fairly focused thoughts.

And worked it to a very good ending.

Vocab was used with real strength. Using 'lesser used' words to real good effect.

Okay, so at times i felt your elaborations were a un-even in a not so good way.

but nonetheless, a quite fine piece indeed.

...resp...

it didnt take me any more then 10 minutes i dont really plan out my poems i let the ideas flow so what u see is what u get, feedback? 1luv.