CItizeN to the KaNe
 

CItizeN to the KaNe
Closin In


The walls are closing in, the depression surrounds me||
Shuts me out from it all; 'might explain why im sick-of-it-all||
I'm tired of listenin to that old know-it-all||
The worst part of the show is the ending, you have to go ||
[SIZE=3.5]Furnace or Box, Take Your Pick[/SIZE]||
I would choose furnace same as Dad did||
The flames enclose as walls do, engulf you||
They BURN straight thru you, [SIZE=3.5]Can't you feel my pain?[/SIZE]||
Maybe I can just spell it out like Citizen Kane

[SIZE=3.5]C[/SIZE]ancer kills
[size=3.5]I[/size]nifinite enternity of death
[size=3.5]T[/size]ides of firerises
[size=3.5]I[/size]nto the souls of saints and sinners
[size=3.5]Z[/size]OLOFT takes away the pain
[size=3.5]E[/size]nergy pulsates as the blood flows
[size=3.5]N[/size]egative vibes allow the slits to flow to the bathroom floor


[size=3.5]K[/size]ids should beware
[size=3.5]A[/size]nd
[size=3.5]N[/size]ever grow attached to your pops
[size=3.5]E[/size]vil will come and take him away

Cause the walls will be closing in||
Shuts me out from it all; 'might explain why im sick-of-it-all||
I'm tired of listenin to that old know-it-all||

RIP RMG SR 3/9/99

I wrote it when I was in Europe
Best place for inspiration
pz DF

EDIT: I changed the Title cuz people were sleeping on the original title but i kept 'Closin In' for a subtitle to the peice

Shiznit's Thoughts:

Very creatively done.

Refined terms such as what u have chosen to be constructed in this piece were quite unique.

The acrostic part made everything simple yet brilliant. The fact that you were in Europe and it seems that youve used the place as an inspiration attached the main idea that you were stressing to submit.

The wordplay were simple because youve just accompanied them with quite words artistically.

The title fitted really well. Made me think of the song "closing time" by semisonic. but it was good.

Rhetorical Insights VI is up so what you waiting for?..Drop one.

i will shiznit thanks for your insight to my piece
pz df

I agree with shiznit 110% the vocab and flow were basic because the structure was so complicated. The meaning is a little dark and bleak but i felt the emotion in it and i liked this piece a lot. 1

uppin

thanks for the feed back prophiit

Oh this really saddened me :(
But still, I was unable to stop reading this.
It's like watching a terrible scene unfold before you
but your unable to look away cause you don't want
to miss anything.
I'm afraid that I missed some of your meanings in this
I got the general idea of your piece but it seemed like
one of those pieces that has so many personal emotions
and meanings that aren't meant for anyone but you.
But that still didn't take any impact away from this piece

yea..you coulda played wit ya words...just cuz structure is difficult dont mean shyt...*wuddo they know*...ha...but. yea...yea get my applause...which to few i give...i like your creativity...you my friend have brought somethin to RB in this piece that is orig. much props to you fellow poet....word


igido

I appreciate the feedback Madd /~Soultress~ thanks for your insight to my work

The Vocab is bASIC due to the fact 70% of people wouldnt understand if i brought out my full potential on this peice

my next peice with be to my full abilities as its one of my better i feel

wait and see
pz DF

uppin

hmmm...dont get tooo cocky now

A fairly original approach.

I don't quite know how it relates to Citizen Kane. I watched it once, and i can't remember much of it.

Maybe you're comparing the death of your father to when Citizen Kane's political empire begun collapsing?

Either way, the imagery and sharp use of of some words was evoking. The way you fitted it into the structure made was on and off. I felt at times you didn't let them go hand in hand as much as you could've. Nonetheless, strong use of vocab and overlal imagery brought this piece 'home'. Yes, i think the vocab was used relatively well. It stayed on par with how the piece was layed/set out...

I actually like how you got into the almost desperate emotions of a man who has turned cynical. Cynical and closed off in many aspects due to the fact he has lost someone. And he doesn't want to go there again. So he deals with it in a fairly cold fashion.

...resp...

varentao* couldnt had said it any better padrae....
and many of us know its annoying when your over
their heads lyricaly at times when we're in the zone
writing or rhymig off the top....people have done
this many times over but non the less it still
one of the most creative ways to post in this
site or publish poetry in real life....this is a hard
thing to critique but I wouldnt want to either

what type off feeling did being in Europe present?

all n all this is well done and your not being cocky
whn you know your talented...or much better
that you were during prior years

Thank for the insight
I'm not cocky about my work its just how i personally feel the work is.
Europe is a place that brought out rememberance of the past just looking at all the history and the how the past lives on to the future through us. It made me realize that while my dad is no longer walking on earth, i know its cliche, but he lives through me.

~~elev~~
pz DF

fuckin freeposter^^^
uppn
pz DF
.................................................. .

i liked it it was well put together and well layed out,keep spittin.~1~