inside a suicide victim's head
 

the first release from my text album to peep the rest of it visit www.geocities.com/raven420_ca/album.htm tell me what you think about this peice and all of the rest in the collection

it's almost midnight but this pear isn't cast in darkness/
almost a daytime sight thanks to the moon's brightness/
but for sure like in my life I am here utterly isolated/
my thoughts tear relentlessly my esteem degraded/
when your consensus pulls away as your greatest fear/
when your mood's wild swinging removes who's near/
then you got my state of life my own personal hell/
where life feels void of freedom like existence in a cell/
resistance causes further disturbance in a repeated cycle/
the only way out seems to cause the vital signs to fall/
that's why I'm here now with liquor and cement blocks/
I passed around ideas, often having these suicide thoughts/
so now I stand up and out loud say to no one, 'good bye!'/
'my boss, my ex wife fuck you!', to my child who might cry.../
I'm sorry but it was the only way I apologize for it but bye/
a splash and abit of noise creates a scene worthy for me to die/

uppin

hmm let me see
you have a TEXT album... (had to get that off my chest)
while the vocab was good the rhymes scheme (spelling?) was simple. The imagry was good, i really liked that part. it had great potential as a topical and you didnt do bad. so good job

8/10 (needed better flow... but just a little)

upp