I just want some feedback !!!!!!!!!!
 

I just want to know if my shits gettin any betta. Check out
"The Murderer" to.


I don't know why, I try, to please everyone around me
It's my demise, I sit aside, and cry
As my whole world crumbles and dies these lies
Are killin me inside
what did I ever do to deserve this
I never did nothin to no one to have shit returnith
It's like I killed an army of men, or just an army 10
Either way my life just bitch slaps me over and over again
I grew up lonely never bothered a single soul
Even in highschool I was bold but still followed the pen
I pray each day that I will wake wit some other life, besides the life, thats mine, rewind
But nothin changes cause I open my eyes to find
ANOTHER DAY I HAVE TO DEAL WIT THIS IT'S FRIVOLOUS

What the fuck am I eva to do, If I never have a direct effect on whether I win or loose
It's so tormenting the creation my mom left behind
Is somethin that no one will ever cherish but just parish in time
But thats fine cause I know theres nothin left for me
IT'S MY FUCKIN LIFE I'LL SWEAR IT I DARE IT SHINE


PEACE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

what did I ever do to deserve this
I never did nothin to no one to have shit returnith

^^^ Way to Shakesperean never read any of your other shit so I can't say if you've elevated this piece wasn't bad though I've seen worse if I were you I'd work on your structure though theres some problem trying to catch your flow I'd even out your lines.....6/10
not bad

It's really hard to get my flow across by just typing because I put a lot of emphasis on different words. I use each line as a seperate breath or movement in my flow (if that makes any sense.)

And my commas as a step or a tight fittin flow ( I don't know why, (PAUSE) I try,(PAUSE) to please everyone around me
It's my demise, (PAUSE) I sit aside, (PAUSE) and cry).

My italics are just simply an aggresive emotion in my vocal tone.
I hope this helps to understand my shit a little betta.
Peace...........

over you elivaten..just keep drillen it you did good

Werd......WORD........
Thanks.....
Peace...........................

Uppin.........

?????????????

Just wanted some more feedback cause I wanna start battlin..................

Uppin

yo i was feelin u still need to elevate more, but that shit was still pretty dope

Thanks for the feeds...................


PEACE~~~~~~~~~~~~~~>

Uppin........


PEACE~~~~~~~~~~~>