~My Visions~(my thoughts)
 

This is my 1st Poetry..............in rapbattles

Some say that blood is thicker than water
I say my blood is lighter than air
My sorrow and wounds are deeper than deep
My fate bleakened by the gun i keep
My hate is awake even when i sleep
My smiles are false and my words are cheap
My land is barren and my people are worried
My flag is clan and my nationhood is burried
My past is present and my present is past
My war is centuries old, am living to fight
My enemy is centuries old whom i cant never defeat



Thanks

even as short n blunt as this poem was..it was a nice sketch of human thought and self virtue....you eplained your position well...n ya flow was nice....structure and vocab simple...but the way you portreyed this and worded ya shit mad it all the better

nice lil piece....word...

igido

Deadly, nice piece... short but full of emotions and thoughts. I liked this shit... straight and honest, that's the way it's gotta be. Keep dropping, I was defnitely feelin it
peace

nice piece man....really felt it and liked it...keep it up mayne...

The history of repression and wrong doing of the 'white man' which haunts you to this day? Which remains your enemy? Because you being white, and all that on your shoulders living in a multicultural city? Maybe?

Well that's the main meaning i got out of it. And if it's the meaning you intended too. Then don't feel guilty about the mistakes your 'ancestors' made. Cos you're more enlightened, and instead help strive towards bringing further equality and what not. And remember, it's not just about 'the white man', but the human race in general. Just the europeans (through enviroment and many wars) latched onto it at the right time. And were able to exploit it. (well along those lines, you get the point...humanity is the larger picture..).

The piece was well compressed. Lines put together in a clever and echoing manner. Not putting too much emphasis on the repeating of 'my'. Which is usually the downfall of many who try the repetition style. You kept it doing, kept it flowing.

I felt the last lines could've been varied. Not in meaning, but in how you put them. Keeping with th whole piece.

Very nice read.

....resp...


EDIT: Just saw he's banned. Oh well. Wonder what for though.