my spit shit
 

bustin these guns until they smoke/
bustin shit like they makin everybody choke/
showin the shit that that has come from places/
from different races creating more spaces/
leaving room and squashin anyone that tries to close up the gaps/
kill a person in 2 snaps tryin to drop all there crap/
but no one tries these days they just mock and act like they real/
gettin fake deals that gets money they seal/
makin a bunch of paper for nonsense rhymes/
doin crimes and doing it for more chaos/
they in this game tryin to play us/
like this is a playground with swings and monkey bars/
drivin in 300,000 dollar cars actin like bastards/
claimin to be the master of the industry/
but they just hurtin it critically especially fakely/
no big albums they put out no more/
none of them are hardcore lately they droppin to the floor/
like cobain in a car by the gun/
gettin too heavy like big pun just tryin to get a deal by someone/
there are fakes that are gettin paid money for useless talent/
they cant handle it but have people to back them up/
scrap them up and save them like the bell/
savin them from hell usin fake shit to sell/

someone critique this please

well the flow was a little choppy and the vocab was basic the structure wasn't all that great and the way you put your words your point didn't really come across...............i'd elevate a little bit this was probably a keystyle so i wouldn't worry about it to much. 1

^^word....tottaly agreee

^^^ yea i agree wit prophit, but it was still pretty dope