a controversial rap i think
 

bangin is what im hearin inside my head/
i think of the worst things i write in this thread/
and i know other people think it/
they just wont admit it and act like real shit/
i think of how people die and how people get murdered/
how someone can die and be gone without saying a word/
people getting traumatic shit that has happened to them/
i aint eminem im the shit that will start from top to the stem/
i think of the poor people and kids with no mothers/
and no brothers fathers or family/
no life that has ever existed is happily/
no such thing as a perfect life/
there no such thing as a perfect wife who probably a slut commitin suicide with a knife/
how people get raped and how people are starving/
with no crops harvesting and shit that people act like they innocent/
they act recent and try to be decent and fakely pleasant/
the problem is this society is too emotional/
they get too traumatic like they want a funeral/
one word offends someone so badly/
sadly they cant defend and stand up and move on without succeeding/
pleading for help, they dont go on with there dreams cause of one bad moment in their life/
they cry till they die and cant be real/
they cant heal they need to move on or youll be losing/
you stay down you that bitch just like another thing/

not bad man....pretty good..keep elevatin...-1-

Y'know at first I was thinking this was very Tupacish, then I read the word Eminem and I realized why.

Nevertheless this is still some good stuff. Personaly, I think it's highly concentional and reeks of basicnitivy. But I also think that everyone needs to write a peice like this, and in one form or another we all do.

I'm willing to bet this peice is your launching pad, all the other poetry and rap you write beyond this point needs to be an elevation of this in some way.

I think you really could go alot deeper....
You scratched the service of what you wanted to say
and you did get your point across I admit...
But I think so much more could have been said....
I'd like to see you expand on this...
nice work

The basis was there. A strong and quite emotional piece. You kept it how you knew it. No naivety was substantially exploited.

But that's the thing. It did seem a bit 'closed' in that sense. Like it was just there, and that's it. Still, a piece that had a simple 'charm' to it. Something to build on.

...resp...

it does have some basic things in it but it was nicely put and well written,keep droppin.~1~