Feedback (Good or Bad!)
 

I aint in the rap game to try and proclaim fame,
i'm just a newly sparked flame without a known name/
The other stars want fast cars and to be hot as mars,
that aint me, i'm just wantin to keep from behind bars/
I work full-time to perfect my unflawed rhymes,
it gets me nowhere, maybe if i had a rap sheet full of crimes/
I'm unknown so I get postponed and eventually overthrown,
even though I'm in the zone, I'm all alone, I'm on my own/
Can't no one see I'm just an emcee with a demo cd,
nothin's to guarantee, i got the lock but a broken key/
I write to express my insight but the pain continues to reignite/
It's a constant fight against what's right that causes all this incite/



Please tell me what you liked about this verse and also what you disliked. Thanks!

i think that had a good flow and stuff i really didnt dislike anything

Aight, thanks dogg. Uppin for more opinions!

up the vocab
flow was good
peace

it was ight.. my fav line was:

i got the lock but a broken key/

Thanks y'all! Uppin for more of ya thoughts on this verse!

I LIKED IT PERSONALLY THE ITRO TO A RHYME MEANS ALOT TO ME YOU CAUGHT ME WITH YOURS FROM THERE YOU HAD MINOR FAULTS BUT HEY WHAT DOESNT

can ya tell me the faults so i can prevent them next time?

I aint in the rap game to try and proclaim fame,
i'm just a newly sparked flame without a known name/
TIGHT ASS INTRO

The other stars want fast cars and to be hot as mars,
that aint me, i'm just wantin to keep from behind bars/
HIT

I work full-time to perfect my unflawed rhymes,
it gets me nowhere, maybe if i had a rap sheet full of crimes/
I'm unknown so I get postponed and eventually overthrown,
even though I'm in the zone, I'm all alone, I'm on my own/

LACKED THE UMF TO GET THE MAGNITUDE

Can't no one see I'm just an emcee with a demo cd,
nothin's to guarantee, i got the lock but a broken key/

COLORFUL BUT COULD OF BEEN BETTER READ IT TO YOURSELF IM SURE YOU WILL SE WHAT I MEAN

I write to express my insight but the pain continues to reignite/
It's a constant fight against what's right that causes all this incite/

PHENOMINOL ENDING

TWIN DONT GET SICURGED WE ARE ALL HERE TO BE HERD AND ELIVATE I OFFER WHAT I CAN TO THE CAUSE BUT I AINT THE BEST BY FAR AND DONT WANT TO BE CAUSE WHEN YOU ARE THE BEST YOU GET SLOPPY JUST DO YOU BE YOU AND BEFORE LONG PEOPLE WILL APPRECIATE YOU.

Aight man, your incite is highly appreciated. Thanks for really breakin my verse down in every aspect. Peace!

yo... what up, yeah man, this was cool... it was aight... I think you should have kept going though... I was feeling the concept man, then I was like "damm, thas it!" you know...
Descent word play here man... but the flow could have been better.... thas all

-1-

So does anyone think I should continue on with this or what?