Notebook Piece: Time Travellin'
 

The Third And Final Jotted Piece From My Rhyme Book, Its Incomplete, The Basic Idea I Had Was To Go Through Various Stages In Time And Describe What Happened Etc. .

It Was Gonna Go The Ice Age, Victorian Era, World War II, Present Day, The Future, But I Didnt Finish It, This Is As Far As I Got. .

The Ice Age

Its frozen madness, temperaures low, w/ the cold comes sadness
Surrounded by More Ice than Platinum Chain Wearing Rappers
Searchin` for fabric and warmth against the Vlad of the storm
In the form of either a hunted deer's fur or skin of wolf.
Drips of blood in the snow show him a predators near
The roof of a sabre tooth's jaw leaves him embedded in fear.
He'd never shedded a tear, his lead spear kept him protected
Bare in mind, this was long before the fire or wheel were invented
Tormented by the cold, his chosen goal findin a place to rest
But his stated quest never ended as the caveman met his death. .

The Victorian Era

Cholera spread by rats, people at the time laughed
As the working class forced their first born down mine shafts.
High hats were male fashion, women wore ball gowns
As the poor slaved for days for an honest half-crown.
Run down back to back slums, sewage swabbing the streets
Where even Local Butchers struggled to make ends Meat.
Cleanliness was reserved for those who could afford it
Anasthetic came later, in those days - they Sawed Limbs!
Carriages pulled by horses was the transport of the era
Waiting w/ baited breath as coal miners deaths became nearer. .

World War II

Soldiers supported the cause, and fought with a passion
Back home away from the war, mothers Thought with a Ration.
Rotten stenches from the bottom trenches brought tears to some
loved ones became statistics, respected over the years to come. .


Thats as far as i got, read it for what its worth, you either love me or hate me, lol. .i only posted it for the kids who wanted to see this. .

Second Page With No Replies?! Damn. .

i liked it personaly your idea was an ezquisit concept and you chopped it then fomatted it very well finish thisd i want to hear the rest

yup...my thoughts exactly...although a coupla linez didn't really rhyme in my opinion...the concept and flow made up for it...

^ Im British, They Rhyme In My Accent. .

Re: Notebook Piece: Time Travellin'
 

the rest of the verse flowed tight and I got a Brooklyn accent so I know how the whole using ya accent to ya advantage thing goez...but I don't see how those barz that I quoted flow in any accent...

nice work don't worry bout sleeping it takes people on this site a while to realize talent keep it up

King Of Thieves, Go Listen To Nimrods "Anthrax / Gastank" Thing, Words Dont Always Have To Be The Exact Same Syllable To Rhyme. .

a dope concept and well executed, your ability with imagery was the main strength of this piece, although i spotted some nice use of wordplay and multis as well. you definately one of the stronger writers in this forum man.

good work.