this jus somthin i had written check it out
 

what up Element and welcome back to the board
in case you havent noticed we had the case of some rap star frauds
but im still chillin raising up a toast
my pistol goin defintly make these niggaz catch the holy ghost
its made niggaz up in here that want to run me out
quick to get back at me and run they mouth
but im in the house gettin tipsy on remy everynight
my cousin in Panama sending me kites
yall faker than them bitches that got hair weaves
hair cornrowed, du rag while im cuffin the jeans
i roll deep and im still gettin at hoes
keep it like high heels and make these niggas stay on they toes
drive threw your block wit my windows tented
if you aint in it then mind your buisness
aint nothing change this nigga is still the same
its goin be all over once the world learns the name
this is sick, suck a dick, fuck a trick, hot damn son of a bitch
if you want it come get it cause im wit it
i guess these niggaz dont know where they place be huh
well Manolo comes to doors so you can face be pa
all the shit to your self yall den over did
some of yall stuck between labels cause yall over bid
so let me keep this gutter when i fuck wit chicks
make my name hot in you like a burning dick
its manolo biotch you heard of it

not to bad but not ill either.....ya flow was kinda off...but ya vocab was nice and ya wordplay was nice....so overall fix the flow fix ya problem holmes..........................................ra ting......8/10



and holmes if you not in a crew then hit up IJL and tryout

syntext sed it all basicly..!! Im not tellin ya how to flow and shit cuz every1 got theyre own structure of buildin a verse..!!!
but try to keep it all in the same length...!!

like syntext sed....sort that out...and ull be a great asset to RB..!!

chek my shit out pleaze hombre..!!

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=77661

i was feelin actually feelin tha flow,this due writes as if he was spittin ths peice,sometimes different bar length actually help for emphasis or jus bein different,also vocab and topic was done descently,tha peice wasn't great but it was aight,a good startin point.

Peace

some of it didn't flow without rhyming it's hard toflow but it's still not a bad peice again you stayed on topic and didn't do too bad with it

LET ME GET SOME FEEDBACK

AND IF ITS A CREW LEADER OUT HERE.....CONSEIDER ME.....I NEVER RUN ALONE