Keystyle
 

Keystyle almost everything i write this way it gives my mind a speeding high way of thoughts/
combustion on my tongue becuz words keep flying out my mouth so fast it leaves you shocked/
most impressive thing in my life right now is my mic or a night that i dun go home to a door locked/
a fat man on his tenth banana split no matter how hard it is to finish it he juz wont quit/
hes bound to take it all even if he gets sick reminds me of my life no matter the struggle i wont sit/
im this im that but shit you talk all this im juz sittin round bein quite minden my own business/
complimenting on the next kids script no matter how bad it is so u say i suck dic thats rediculous/
give me 1 good reason why somebody should bring another down, ive been down that road/
trugged a heavy load hard to stay bold but i new if i kept my head up one day i'd fine gold/
i came on rb an i read 3 disses to bash ill mental an slik..surprising even rule/
im not dick riding im juz saying they doin the damn thing then some1 say they playen a fool/
people i juz dont getcha how people work so hard but then you go along an leave em torn/
they aint hurtin i no this by the lyrics they write, we all open our mouths an let rhyme be born/
so why rip at eachothers styles for not even knowen who one another really are/
you wonna no summin bout me, i have a dream to be a long loved national star/
but i live in the poverty so how the hell am i gunna set an example for little kids/
in the bible it says ear for an ear eye for an eye so why for the negitivity we live/
juz think about it for the moment a photo freeze it in ya mind an own it/
dream about the richinous you cud'a brought instead you brought shit/
we all been put down once or twice we know how it feels to feel unwanted/
the moment bein haunted in your dreams at night like you was taunted/
before you think about sayin im ridin peoples dick try thinkin bout the shit you spit/
rehursing the devils birth over criest an his complements for our life u riden the devils dick/
so im'a this keystyle with a worth while statement about bitches makin artists all to the pavement/
why duntcha try an make people fall in wet cement it dun hurt an when they get up...they can see there achievements....


juz summin quick i figured i'd write peace

I was feelin that drop man, i liked the first half over the second half, you started good out the gate. This line really caught my eye:

'give me 1 good reason why somebody should bring another down, ive been down that road/
trugged a heavy load hard to stay bold but i new if i kept my head up one day i'd fine gold/'

I feel you on that one, that line was niiiice.

uppen

uppen...dun sleep

sup...feed...
 

i ain't really a newbie on spittin, i been on net 54s best board, which is FLOWS UNLIMITED, and just wanted to peep this site, cos its got a hell of a lot of peeps, THANKS FOR FEED, HERES THE RETURN...

firstly, i think the main thing that i could critisice with this is, the bars are way too different in length, and it was hard to flow for me, especially at the top, but if i caught a flow mid way through, then it kinda disappeared as the bars got shorter, heres examples:

too long:



although there were some styles of multis, and there were some good meta's in there, i felt you could have cut it down, so it flowed better to say:



the parts where i felt it flowed better was:



but it still was the most critical part i could find, personally tho, i was lookin at this more as a TOPICAL verse tho,

so in fairness, this verse was pretty good, cos it seemed to explain what you felt etc, in a more poetic then rhyming sort of way,

JUST MY 2 CENTS...sorry bout the length i get into it

aiyo... that was a very nice key...

yo begin thanks for the input i'll try wutcha said an thanks for the advice pece

thanks ye all uppen

Hey man...nice piece i enjoyed....i think u should put more wordplay or maybe some multies, cuz u got some good flow...in there...well peep myne

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=78756

iight i did...lates man