Deepset of Sleeps
 

Hey everyone, long time no write here goes

The Deepest of Sleeps

As sleep envelopes me,
I fall into unconsiosnous,
Twisted and broken images pass by
as i tumble into the infinite darkness,
Images of pain and despair,
images of trust and love,
images of hate and disgust,
images of happiness and laughter,
all these things pass and are gone,
the ground rushes up to greet me,
and in the most awfull mix of fear and pain,
i welcome the end of the fall,
The ground is hard
and the images still pass
have i really hit the ground?
am I really standing still?

A figure walks towards me,
clad in robes of black and crimson,
a skeletal hand appears and is gone in a flash,
i turn and run,
fearing the scythe that will end my life,
As i turn the figure is already there,
I turn again and can't escape,
a flash of light and i awake,
Awake to a world that can't exsist,
that can't be real,
Have i really hit the ground?
Am i really awake?

people pass by me
with hardly a sideways glance,
do i still exsist?
i look closer at the people,
they have no faces,
In the place of faces are the images that were flying by,
And still they pass,
the images of pain,
images of sorrow,
the images of despair,
images of love that i shall never have,
The world disapears and is swirling to oblivion,
i awake with a start.
HAve i really hit the ground?
am i really awake?

is the night finally over?
The sheets are soaked with sweat,
and the alarm clock shows 4:00 am,
i sit up, but don't leave the bed,
and then i feel the gun that is pressed to my head,
the guns in my hand,
before i even know why,
and the walls are soon a new color,
from the blood that mas mine,
I've finally hit the ground,
and was never asleep,
but now i can rest,
in the deepest of sleeps.

A crazy twist you had at the end there. Why you shoot yourself?

I liked reading this. The first few lines didn't really do much for me but as I got into it more it kept my attention pretty good and got me wondering. Kind of like something out of a sci-fi movie. People with no faces and getting chased by some figure in a robe then waking up and shooting yourself and you don't even know why. Crazy.

iight

as said before it was kinda hard to get into at the beginning, but i found the farther i read the farther i got into it

first i thought this was going to be another of those try to escape from the spirit of death again, regreting all the stuff you did, kinda piece, but it did have some unsuspected twists in there

could work on the flow and vocab a bit, tweak it up a notch or two and then i think i would really shine

my love

~Tera~
DONT HATE

I really liked the unexpected turns in this piece, I never knew what was coming up next. And your word play was really good at certain places, your use of the words really put the confusion and imagery out there..

i welcome the end of the fall,

have i really hit the ground?
am I really standing still?

I really liked these lines... and I love the ending-

I've finally hit the ground,
and was never asleep,
but now i can rest,
in the deepest of sleeps.

Interesting piece.

Thanks much, I just actually read it and realized how well some of these things worked. I usually just write and don't pay attention to it. I usually don't edit either. thanks alott, peace.

uppin

Hmmmmm, interesting piece, here..
Filed was right, the climax was certainly in the latter part of the poem..I liked this though, nice imagery and chilling concept...Nice twist at the end too, thats always a great thing to do to a piece..
Nice writez, stay up

It was hard at first to get hooked. As I read on it pulled me in. Nice twist in events. peace

Thankx DaGyrl and smooth

Uppin

wierd at first i got this feeling of a matrix type theme you know am i just dreaming can i tell the difference between dream and reality........the plot twist was off the hook......the whole poem was leading towards a finality and you just took it all the way....hella good drop....1

piece kinda pullz u in

nice flow to it to that really caught my eye

kinda fly off endin but it worked

great drop man

Thanx

uppin'

I didnt really understand t at first, but i started gettin itnot it, big surprise when you shot yourself, i thought u were just ahvin a dream. very good i like it

it was sort of wierd but had a good ending, keep on posting!!!
it took a while to get to the point but all in all a good piece


peace and love

Liba dee

Nice, it pulled me in from the begining with how different it was, then it kept me with all the twists, very powerful visuals, and story telling, i really liked it.

Holy christ, 38 - 7? that;s a crazy record, thanx alot for the replies,

always uppin