This is my first time so...
 

... I thought I'd share this battle rhyme I came up with moments earlier. It's not directed to anybody here so don't get defensive.

Why you testing my aim? I'll put a paint ball in your eye socket
Why you testing my game? I'll shoot a eight ball in your side pocket
I intentionally approach you the wrong way to get on your bad side
Toy around with your nerve endings and sit on your mad vibe
I create bars assembly line style like Hershey's factories
Radioactivate your blood stream like acid from batteries
Lock on your target like radar a sandstorm's in your forecast
Then pull a three sixty and transform in a cold flash
Fuck it! I got multies yeah but I'm more versatile
Wait, hold up! It's time for me to switch my style
If you have any room "in those genes" for a "genuine" rhyme trait
Then I'll plant a seed and just maybe you can get your rhyme str8
I'm "disturbing" sick sentences with "ludacris" expression
"the peace" is no where to be found I lash out w/ aggression
I'll have you "crazy in love" but "baby boy" you don't move me
This here the real "Carmen" "beyonce" just played 1 in a movie
And that's "lyrically spoken" like a genius I'll "fracture" your whole structure
It's easy to be "never scared" when you carry weight like "bone crusher"
I don't have to say more I knocked you out with this last bar
Fuck around with me again and get your head smashed hard...

uppin

woah, thats siiick bruv, u got talent, diffinatly feelin this piece, keep droppin

Thanks for the feed back. I try :) Anyone else care to comment?

^good quote,i liked tha vocab and word choice when makin up tha wordplay and flippin tha bars,flow was there and it was a good drop.

Peace

I'd definitely say you ripped that shit, nice verse. Over everything else in there i liked the wordplay the best.

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I agree u definitely got talent !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



PEACE~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~>

Thanks for the feedback. I'm glad y'all liked it. Anybody else care to comment?

yeah man, for only bein on here for a short time period you really flipped an ripped that bitch, i wonna see you in'a battle you got some ill wordplay keep droppin homie i'll be checkin yah stuff peace

^^^im agreein wit everyone good shit, cant wait to see u in a battle. u got nice wordplay and vocab u is definetly goin to be a good rapper here. keep postin.

Thank you, much obliged. :)

you had a tight concept, good vocab

Really good with the wordplay and vocab. Nice flow too. I like how the shit didn't fall off like some flows that start out hard do. Keep droppin and I'll keep an eye out. Good drop.

If you get the time, hit up some of my Open Mic shits...

Laaate.

iv been waiting to see this...
Carmen... ma... good drop!!

id have to quote what everyone else said to get my point across but this was off the hook... stay up
my fav part

I'm "disturbing" sick sentences with "ludacris" expression
"the peace" is no where to be found I lash out w/ aggression
I'll have you "crazy in love" but "baby boy" you don't move me
This here the real "Carmen" "beyonce" just played 1 in a movie

Keep Drizopping This Shit!
You Be Dope Soon Enought, Hit mE Up For Hints..
Cuz I'm A Fairly Well Rounded Writer..
Elevatin Is Key!

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