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-   -   I'm new here.........here's me (http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=78959)

dial zero 09-10-03 02:33 PM

I'm new here.........here's me
 
Yall don't know nothin' about Va beach
every single one of us is out yall reach
we'll lift you up and take the shoes off your feet
and then rhyme about it, go on cuh, bust out a beat
Now chase us, yall don't wanna come up and face us
there ain't a crew in the country that could replace us
and anyone who wants us to leave, come on and make us
cause we know some of yall have the nerve to say that you hate us
but none of yall'll say it cause your nerve is out on hiatus
which in turn makes it hard for you to turn and debate us
and what you earn is none of my concern, I'll make you famous
You heard of the great escape right? You better make this the greatest.

Baron Mynd 09-10-03 04:37 PM

I deleted her post because it was a one word reply. .

Baron Mynd 09-10-03 04:51 PM

Not bad for whats there, flowed pretty good as i read it, at times the rhyming was pretty basic - it could use more internals and multi's to perfect the flow, try to get between 13-16 syllables each line to perfect the flow of it, there wasnt really a lot there to critisise, when you write your next piece, try extending the length to at least 20 lines, possibly more, it'll give the reader a better insight into your writing skill.

All in all, you showed potential, just need to work on your pieces a little more but you'll get there eventually my man, its all about elevation.

Eace-Pay!

tsheff112 09-10-03 06:16 PM

Yeah, good shit right here. I like this little piece, but the vocab was a little thin. I did like the flow, easy to go with and fitting for the subject, so good shit there. Good piece.

Keep droppin in Open Mic and hit up some of my drops...

Laaate.

aintgonnastop 09-10-03 09:22 PM

i was feelin it. the vocab was pretty basic, the flow was good, coulda used some work, but not bad. im wit camarac u gotta make it a little longer but u also got potential so keep postin.


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