"let Loose"---i Ain't No Newbie
 

INSPIRATIONS and ASPIRATIONS, presidents and ALLEGATIONS,
dropped BOMBS by west NORM, terroists make OCCASSIONS//
power fuels the TEMPATATIONS, but IGNORANCE ignites VIEWS,
circumstances make EVENTS, but media creates the NEWS//
ability within PERSONA, perfections stimulates NEED,
to continue to improve MY skills, food fills the FEED//
worryin for others WASTE, only elevate position CENTERED,
because its focused only on you, until deaths door ENTERED//
break knowledge, kick doors down with, hypontic POWER,
RIP those who obstruct path, remains like LIONS DEVOUR//
complex thinkni, thought process most efficient SYSTEM,
attributes of potential AMASSED, infinite too much to LIST-EM//
influenced by the INFLUENTIAL, the elevation is EVIDENTIAL,
establish a REPUTATION, like ILLMATIC its ESSENTIAL//
an ILLTELLECTUAL, rhymes produced are NEW CONCEPTUAL,
messages FREELY PRODUCED, my creativity JUICE-let-LOOSE//

SOME FREESTYLE STUFF I WROTE DOWN, GIVE ME SOME FEED AIGHT... I WILL RETURN THE FAVOUR SOON...

PEACE

say dawg... you peeped my shit... so ima return the favor...

unlike my shit, you had structure... and it was a lot easier to read.
you had a lot of great lines... these two were my fav.:

power fuels the TEMPATATIONS, but IGNORANCE ignites VIEWS,
circumstances make EVENTS, but media creates the NEWS

you also had some wordplay to throw into the mix and I picked up on it... and last but not least on the complements... you had fucking OUTSTANDING vocabulary... this is what boosted your spit and made it a very very nice peice....

the only weak point I saw during your spit was the ending...
you kinda left me hangin and I was scrollin down to see if you had more... but its cool though... just dont forget to finish strong.

VERY VERY NICE DROP HERE... I wouldnt be surprised if you won a lot of battles on here if you could throw in some punches...

A.T.

i like how you let your emotion out and your views on the way the world is going today, i liked the easy read and vocab, liked how one thing lead to another

i didn't like how you used barely anything from YOUR life

but other then that it was a great drop and u should get into battling

p.s take the link out of ur sig or u will be banned...

check this out: http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=79338

uppin....if they 20,000 of y'all i can at least get 10 feedback replies

^true... lol... cats be sleeping man...
"circumstances make EVENTS, but media creates the NEWS"
that line stood out for me... don't know why.. lol...
yo, this shit was pretty good man, specially for a freestyle...
had flow, something interesting to say, and it was strong on the vocab... shit definitely shows skill...

-1-

yo first i'd like to say i apreciated you checkin on my shit an given feed back...but onta your thing...i liked the bar structure..your flow was easy to catch...i liked your lines an how your put your words together...short but good i liked it...keep up it...i'll be lookin for your new scripts...later

come on mans....i don't like uppin all the time, but you gotta give feed, its only short...

i thought the peice was pretty good, it had good structure and flow. the vocab was ok, the wordplay was kool, and overall id rate it a 7.5-8/10, good shit.

THANKS FOR FEED....LIKE I SAID, THERE LIKE 20,000 PEEPS REGISTERED, TAKE 5000 NON REGULARS, AND 10,000 WHO DON'T FEED, THAT LEAVES LIKE 5000 TO GIVE FEED....C'MON Y'ALL I WILL FEED YOURS IF I GOT TIME....

UPPIN

You say you ain't no newbie but you highlighted your rhymes...lol...we can tell where they are

But too more important stuff...

...Flow nicely and kept a slightly complex style with some good content in there...nice topic to spit on and you managed to pertray it in a interesting way

o
N
e

You say you ain't no newbie but you highlighted your rhymes...lol...we can tell where they are

WHUT U ON...NA I AM NEW TO THIS SITE...BUT NOT RHYMIN!

^ He Means Dont 'CAPITALISE' all the rhym,ing words in your verse, we arent stupid my man, we can see where the rhymes are - lol. .

Okay. . as i read the piece, the first thing i noticed was all the ...'tion's - dont rhyme like that if at all possible, it does tend to get annoying and repetitive, try to switch it up after 2 lines, 4 at max with the same rhyming syllable id say. The flow to this was pretty decent, mainly due to your even-bar structure, props on that, keep that up if you can. Your vocabulary was pretty decent, kept it slightly complex without over-doing it - that shone in this actually, i felt this piece was pretty short to show us what you really can do, there isnt a lot here for me to criticise, but from what ive seen - you've got potential.

Keep it up my man!

Eace-Pay!

I liked it. Strong on the vocab, there were a few lines that stuck out, but the whole thing was good.

'break knowledge, kick doors down with, hypontic POWER,
RIP those who obstruct path, remains like LIONS DEVOUR//'

'influenced by the INFLUENTIAL, the elevation is EVIDENTIAL,
establish a REPUTATION, like ILLMATIC its ESSENTIAL//'

also that ignorance line was on point, good drop here.

^ He Means Dont 'CAPITALISE' all the rhym,ing words in your verse, we arent stupid my man, we can see where the rhymes are - lol. .

Okay. . as i read the piece, the first thing i noticed was all the ...'tion's - dont rhyme like that if at all possible, it does tend to get annoying and repetitive,

yeh camarac, thats just my style, the whole capital thing is, because its text, the caps are THE emphasisin words, the words i want people to think about, but i know what your sayin, also the tions words prob don't rhyme too well, but i think if you spit it, you can make it sound well enough,

i liked your feed tho, i like critisicim, motivates me to silence you, hahaha,

o and its a 16 bar verse, i don't write songs yet, cos i don't see the point if i ain't makin them into audios, but i might drop some in the future....

THANKS THE FEED PEEPS, IF THERE ANY NEW GUYS READIN THIS...GET GIVIN ME SOME MO....

PEACE