let me introduce myself..
 

aiight heres a keystyle so yall can get a *little* feel of what youll be seein from ya boy intoxicated.. check it


why yall gotta hate and discriminate just becuz im new..
its gonna remind me of ya daddies condom when im bustin you//
an off the dome free with slow speech and cheeched eyes...
its like eatin mushrooms in the hell the way i leave ya deep fried//
havin pink eye is the only time you'll ever 'see sick'...
yall must have diarreah cuz all i see is weak shit//
so many wack cats who cant rap on such a big site...
its like nuttin in a small condom cuz i tend to spit tight//
fools wont battle me, they say i gotta earn a rep...
shit, its like NBA jam the way i slam ya n burn the net//
respect? ive owned it since the first moment my account was established...BUT KIDS LIKE AMP ACT LIKE THEY CHAMP WHEN THEY LUCKY TO BE BETTER THAN AVERAGE//
no beef cat just tryin ta get my point across...
but choosin not to battle me is a good way to avoid a loss//
my punches n flow leave ya achein, my spits foresaken like hell n satan, my battle career has been like a mountain - nuthin but elevation//



FEEDBACK WOULD BE APPRECIATED, NOTHIN TOO SPECIAL BUT YOU KNOW ITS COO

god that woz sum ill shit son i liked it

keep it up

that was aight for a first spit, you tried to make it flow and structure throughout, but i think that is the main thing you gotta work on e.g:

no beef cat just tryin ta get my point across...
but choosin not to battle me is a good way to avoid a loss//
my punches n flow leave ya achein, my spits foresaken like hell n satan, my battle career has been like a mountain - nuthin but elevation//

this was aight, but i think you could tighten it up if you get me, take a few words from the longer lines and add a few in the shorter, but it was still decent,

the content was aight, this was kinda funny, but a bit weak at the same time for some reason:

why yall gotta hate and discriminate just becuz im new..
its gonna remind me of ya daddies condom when im bustin you//

i mean the content also needs to be upped, but its good for a first spit or what ever:

so many wack cats who cant rap on such a big site...
its like nuttin in a small condom cuz i tend to spit tight//
fools wont battle me, they say i gotta earn a rep...
shit, its like NBA jam the way i slam ya n burn the net//

this was probably the most basic line, but you got potential and already showin ability, keep droppin


KEEP DROPPIN...."PEEP MY SPIT "LET LOOSE"....PEACE

yo take that advice son,,,,,soothe out the words and your words will come together naturally,,,,ya pushin sentences and makin the last word rhyme,,,,,chill out and think iight!!

Peep My Drop!!


O.S.

aight thx for that advice, but like i said, this was just a little peice that took me nuttin but 5 minutes late at night...