Fuckin' Banana Fruitloop Chocolate Marshmallow Shoelace Faggot MC
 

I say fuck the shit that you say like I was boning a mime...
the holy devine mind is right here drinkin a Corona with lime...
stoner sublime the drunken wordz will show in due time...
blow a few mindz when my only 2 handz can show you 2 ninez...

subliminal thoughts I spread sickness from bars...
like a criminal caught with genital warts
while being inflicted with SARS...

it's like I'm spittin' from Mars cause my rhymez are out of this world...
I speak drunken wisdom as you pout and you hurl while I shout at ya girl...(holla!!!!!!)

when I would fight...
in school someone would alwayz break it up after I brought out the pick and the knife...
I'm almost as sick as ya wife...
when she pulls ya pants down and starts lickin' ya pipes..(HOE!!!!!!)
when I was in school I slept more in class than I did in the night...
when I battle as soon as I'm grippin' the mic
the crowds like "damn..this shit isn't right"...

get out of my way before I'm forced to spit out of my tre...
just sit down and be gay...
shit...ya might as well join a circus...you'll get clowned anyway...

son...you wanna step...I can do this all day...
my stage presence(presents) is more visible
than Santa Claus on Broadway...
I'm slick enough to rob in broad day...
and still nobody found me at first...
they thought that I was just gay...
cause I got away with walkin' around with a purse...

when I said that I was the best to step it was believable...
but Albert Einstein'z idea of an MC squared was inconceivable...

just a lil' late night/early morning off the dome piece ya know...

uppin'...

^^^lol...a newbie telling me about structure and flow...you probably didn't even read the verse...so GET THE FUCK OUT MY THREAD!!!!!!

subliminal thoughts I spread sickness from bars...
like a criminal caught with genital warts while being inflicted with SARS...
u from new york?

yup...that's why it says "Brook-nam veteran" in my location...reppin BK to da fullest baby...Crown Heights in the house right here...

when I said that I was the best to step it was believable...
but Albert Einstein'z idea of an MC squared was inconceivable...
your best line im opinon

overall it was good, good vocab, in dire need of structure... i could not find a flow i had to speed up and slow down in order to stay at somewhat of a tempo...sides that it was a good drop

i agree with the newb (Bionic)...then again im a newb...
take that how you want

yeah...my fault...that's how it's supposed to flow...I was just kinda experimenting with it ya know...it sounded good when I spit it...but I'm not quite sure how it's supposed to be typed yet...

uppin'...

Lol. .

Topic was. . not there, this seemed to me like it was just wrote at randon with no real topic or direction or planning as to where you'd like to take this piece, it was basically what i like to call "Bragging Writes" because thats what it is - a bragging piece where you come with multi's and wordplay but to no set-subject. As stated before me, your structure could use work, the lines were all over the place, and that threw the flow for me, strong use of internals and multi's, but at times you over did it and went one multi' too far and such, you have to get an even balance between multi's and flow, without overdoing / underusing either.

All in all a decent piece for what it was, flow could use work, structure needs more practice, writers voice and word choice werent really shown in this piece, try writing to a topic where you need emotion / imagery - those pieces show your varying skills rather than stuff any helf-decent head can drop.

Elevation is the key, but your showing potential.

Eace-Pay!

^^^lol...I was basically just fuckin' around with this piece(hence the title)...experimenting with different flowz and such...but you know I can come with set structure and flow if I was tryin'...but the flow was there...it just wasn't really structered in a way that anybody else but myself could read...lol...but it soundz good in audio...I practiced it to a beat today before I went to work...lol

I edited it so I could kinda fix the structure...

THIS HOW FAM REP NO DOUBT MAD LOVE TWIN

^^^fo' sho...

Nice lines at sometimes, but at others it seemed a bit lost.
The Flow was ok, hard to catch at first, but it was there.
You heard this before, but it definately needs structure.
I see that your just fucking around in this piece, which is
why it was kinda retarted at parts, but it wasn't even half bad.
You did overdo it with the multies though lol.
Actually, you should try this style a bit more, if your just experimenting, but fix your structure up, and add more to the flow and less of the multies. But nice drop.