mind of a girls broken heart
 

my heart is ripped torn like piece of paper.//
something untapeble can't be stapled back together.//
i'm shocked overwhelmed of the results caring causes.//
i've cared so much that loving turns to losses.//
the results pour down like a shower of rain out of my eyes.//
sooner or later the love begins fade and emotion starts to die.//
like an echo it is heard as a child begins to crie.//
thoughts wonder where did I go wrong.//
why did i let it get so far and theres werent as strong.//
i recieve advice that begins to cheer thee.//
i wish i can show you true pain and how hard it hits me.//
you were unique different from the others brought.//
but you are just the same not as special as i thought.//
why is it so hard to let you go and let my heart and emotion be free.//
why can't i just not care what you do and let you be.//
there are many things that i want to scream and yell.//
i am angry,frustrated,and sad and wish these feelings all to hell.//
to others eyes you werent attractive or appealing.//
but to me you were a angel who i thought i can take for the stealing.//
your age was drastic practically two years under.//
i didn't care though cause age is just a stupid number.//
i thought i showed you how i felt by the sacrifices i have made.//
didnt know that special things can make one go insane.//
but i'm not the one to blame at this game you call a relationship.//
i have a heart and you had to speak words of hurt to put me through this shit.//
i am too good for you that's the only explanation for it.//
but i am fine and you know what your gonna hate it.//
cause your missing out on me a wonderful individual.//
i can't even believe i went through all this trouble.//
you couldn't tell me and hurt me to my face.//
but all that shows me is immaturity and aspects of disgrace.//
a couple weeks i spent with you but in realization just a waste.//
the word MATT is like poison to my ears.//
how can a four lettered word bring me to tears?.//
but i can't speak words and hate you no longer.//
cause i have a heart and it didnt kill me and now i am stronger.//..

damn girl dont know why this is gettin slept on it was ill,good rhyme scheme,good structure,good wordplay,very emotion felt,seemed like more of a poetic piece than anything but still nice drop,keep doin ya thang baby girl.~1~

The emotional aspect was the stronghold of this piece, you really tried to express how you felt, the topics been done many a time but each ones unique, because people tend to express how they feel differently each time, i didnt like flow to this, it was real choppy, more internals and multi's would of helped improve that a lot, i didnt like it towards the end of the piece, you seemed to go on some trip about you being wonderful and that you were too good for him to have - talk about ego's! Hahaha, anyways, it did seem more poetic than anything, flow could use work, nothing really stood out as i read it apart from its emotional aspect, that was dope.

All in all not a bad piece, you could use work, but practice makes perfect, just keep at it, try writing to other topics to give yourself some versatility, add more multi's and internals into your rhyme scheme, try to keep the lines roughly between 12-16 syllables per line. Just a few words of advice.

Eace-Pay!

Oh - Reply To Mine Feat. Abolish = )

NO DOUBT YOUR GRASP FOR REALITY AND HANDLE ON YOUR OWN PERSON EMOTION BRINGS THIS SONG A LIFE THAT SEAMS TO REAL.IM FEELING THIS NO DOUBT

thank you for all the advice....i don't have a big ego really lol it's just that i had to say that shit to make me feel better...you know the same ole i am better then him anyway b.s not my best work to be honest i just needed to write my feelings on paper...it was meant to be poetry but i put it in here so more people can Critic on it but thank you alot...

PE@ZE

Upping this piece for my girl

uppin this bitch please respond