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-   -   class presentation (http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=79794)

J_S.P.I.D.E.R 09-15-03 10:57 AM

class presentation
 
creatin a class presentation
listen up cuz it a great lyrical demonstration
the flow is heavy like a girl menstration//
punch lines constant never waitin
cats is probably readin this and tryin 2 figurin out ways 2 start hatin'//
go fuck yourself
and keep masterbatin
this i'll never get me any mass appeal
like a priest coppin a feel
or buyin a mitch n' ((nell))
if u forgot this was just a demonstration
stay tuned for more lyrics to enter youre brain
thru the computer screens radiation.

1

smokedout411 09-15-03 01:00 PM

because your a newb most people here wont reply, or read it, but you have the rhyme all you need now is to elevate, meaning lyrics/vocab need to stepped up, and you actually could put a little more time into makin a rhyme

J_S.P.I.D.E.R 09-16-03 10:17 AM

yea i feel u cuz i wrote this while i was surfin tryin 2 figure out what 2 do 4 a class presentation

Provoked Images 09-16-03 11:22 AM

ha ha, interesting topic for a flow if i do say so myself, chuckle chuckle choke, ha ha...

anywayz, u REALLY gotta step up wit something more advanced, i know lil kids who write poems that flow betta than this did, (harsh i know...), but if u actually took some time out to write somethin, u could make it really good, jus keep droppin and add peeps advice, u'll elevate...

Kredit 09-16-03 11:43 AM

Well - the topic is original, someone could take it and run with it..

But for your sake, work on flow, even out syllables, and work out a nice structure. Your vocab is decent already, but can still be ironed out a little bit. Try to get more complex with your lyrics. Don't worry, it'll come. Elevate and have fun.

J_S.P.I.D.E.R 09-17-03 11:25 AM

thanx yall


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