short battle verse
 

post to get something up for LLL,,
these are actually lyrics to an audio battle I did


Yo bitch, why dont you spit somethin I can feel?
This 'round is over for you' like leavin the Ferris Wheel
Nobody hears you, your CD's sittin on the shelves
Because this kid 'cant wrap' like handicapped elves
Like oral sex classes you need to 'learn to spit'
You couldnt trade your lines for fertilizer, they aint 'worth a shit'
Im rippin this cat fast like cashiers rip void checks
In the end you comin up 'short-handed' like a T-rex
In this battle you 'cant hang' like monkeys with slick paws
You could vomit up your sushi and still wouldnt 'spit raw'
I hit jaws, like tribesman playin skeleton xylaphones
I'm 'leavin your world trashed' like throwin away bio-domes
Like olympic atheletes on steroids you 'cant compete'
Cause like bein locked in shoe closets you can 'smell de-feet'

that was really nice great punches man. Flow was pretty tight to but mad metaphors and shit man nice work hit my Open Mic called Mad Tight Rhymes with some feedback thanx PEACE

Tight verse, mad punches in that shit. You were hittin hard, the flow was on point, and that last bar was the clincher no doubt man, i'm feelin that shit. That verse was full of quotables but this one i liked the most aside from that last bar:

'In this battle you 'cant hang' like monkeys with slick paws
You could vomit up your sushi and still wouldnt 'spit raw''

niiiiice.

yea for reall you a silly bastard keep it up and and keep spittin, every punch thrown was a direct hit

now thats what a fucken battle rap suppose to sound like. excuisit punches very original perfict style and flow best dalivery i'v herd in a while keep that shit up dawg i would like to see how well you do in a regular song if you can do that then you got talent

short 'n' sweet man... I liked it...
like they been saying, this shit was full of punches, it flowed and it had nice wordplay... kinda short, but thas aight...

-1-

word
 

thanks for all tha feedback,

I posted it for the "LLL" text league but I guess it wasnt good enough to make the cut because I didnt get on the roster :(

much love to everyone who replied tho

onE

Lmao and kids thinking 'de-feet' and 'oral sex / spit' lines are dope. .

those are sooooo played by now, im not surprised you didnt get in. I didnt see one original line there, flow was onpoint bull each of those punches sucked, none were original and classic newbie-punches like the 'raw sushi' one were used, i saw one of those posted back in 2001 and it was played then, lmfao.

Im not hating, just stating facts.

facts
 

For one, I dont do text on message boards, I do AUDIO. So I would'nt know whats "played out" in your little cyber text world that does not have the skill to complete an audio track and make it sound half as nice as you can "write". I came up with all of the punches myself, they aren't bitten, so as far as Im concerned, they arent played. ( I also find it funny that the person who is RUNNING the league read my verse and the only comment he had was "original punches" )

It's really sad that you have to go around on text boards and attempt to make fun of people's writing instead of critiquing to help them elevate.

And if it is really that funny, you can battle me in audio and we can find out who the "newbie" is, because being big in the online text world is not going to get you anywhere, if you dont have the ability to put it to a beat.

But its whatever.

onE