lil time to vent
 

im sick to death had enuff of this shit/
some times i really wanna slit my wrists/so i clench my fists/
and realize/tho alive im dying inside/swallow my pride/
i can even stomach yours/
never anwser with suicide so ill homma yours/
no roach but its my last resort/wheres your retort/
im sittin here with a fifth of jimmy/empty/
so im pissed but that fires in me/while yalls is skin deep/
but yall cant stomach it still/know the drill/
or ill leave you layin there like an uppaid electric bill/
please be still/you could b real/if you was in cypress hill/
fight it still/but you know i rightfully will/right now i feel/
so invincible
/on top the world and my fires burnin/soul is yernin/
this pain is love, guess im learnin/but guess its time im servin/
this jimmys workin/the press is burnin/
yall front page now, something to see/
too bad the front page of the O bitch uary/
is where you be/starin back at me/
now you whole life is in black and white/
you was never racist but grey scaled tonight/
i saved it tonight/when i severed your life/
you bodys in a casket but souls in a tunnel of lite/
you fuckin right/
you wasnt gangsta tryed to tell ya son/
you ain't ever clenched a gun/
cept for nitendos duck hunt/im just blut/
and done imma lay it down/
watch out thesuns got this onna lock down! NOT a BATTLe just releavin stress yall feel me...

yo....... this needs work man.... seriously.... rhymes are on the simple side here.... need to up that vocab a bit.... and the flow is hard to find, specially because of the way you structured these lines on the verse.... you need to seperated them.... they seem scrunched up and shit... lol... you got too many of these: /
Shit gets kinda hard to read....
Thas all man....

-1-

truly what he said^^^...duke...you were very...very...simple wit this shit..and ya structure was wack...you should encorperate more multi's and wordplay...study your work...and compare n contrast with that of others...


igido

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