My own fakeness...battle it or give in...
 

"If I know I'm going crazy, then I must not be insane"...
That was once spit, years ago, by a man named Dave Mustaine.
And I relate to that shit, can't recall how many times I've freaked.
But had ta hold in, the violence within, and not allow it to peak.

Having hate in my heart, but no place to put it, leaves me in a quandary...
Makes me rage but my brain's in a cage cuz there's family doing laundry.
No place for that shit in domesticity, not when money's needed ta pay electricity.
No room for eccentricity cuz family life is suppossed to be simply simplicity.

Gotta aspire ta bottle up desires ta set fires and flatten tires...
Ceasefire, clip the barbwire, I require wrong choices to expire.

Avoid gettin higher than I already am. Work till I retire? What a fuckin sham!
You go to church and hear the choir! I'm a stay live wire and fuckin high flyer!

See, it's a constant battle deep in my conscience...
Got me runnin in circles only faster like sprints.
Do the right thing when my heart cries for the wrong...
Put family under wing, but can I keep em there long?

None of ya'll know...
Cuz the net don't show.
There's something inside of me...
A bomb waiting to blow.
Seen the inside, ain't scared of their cells...
But don't want a trip back to that place called hell.
Gotta maintain even though the ghouls beg me not to...
Gotta act the daywalker even though I'm more like Nosferatu.

in one word dope.............this needed nothing it had great flow vocab topic everything............highly underrated but you known thats life.............this was a great drop........uhhh have you been listening to a lot of megadeath lately?......just wondering.......good drop dawg....1

Yep. that's real.

Thanks for the feedback, guys...

Much appreciated.

Seriously.

Peace

Lmfao @ Funda's Post, He's Going On My Moron List. .

I think the first guy amped this up waaaaay too much, dont get me wrong, it was decent, but it was a far cry from dope. A lot of the lines were too long to really get a type of flow going, it lacked any real multi's, the internals were all basic one / two syllable words, aside from that - you've got sooooo much potential to become a good writer, you have a lot of deeper-thought, but from this its like your struggling to word them correctly, they arent really shown what you want to say, they seemed bottled up. Another thing you should maybe work on, sometimes you try rhyming all in one line, that kinda threw me at first, and im pretty sure it will others, maybe you should break them up like this:

Avoid gettin higher than I already am.
Work till I retire? What a fuckin sham!
You go to church and hear the choir!
I'm a stay live wire and fuckin high flyer!

^ See how that goes better? Its just a little thing, but it would really help you if you structured it like that. Anyways, you have the potential there, just build on it, keep practicing, you elevate w/ experience.
Hope i helped a little.

Eace-Pay!

Camarac...

That's gotta be one of the best and most honest responses I've ever gotten.

I appreciate the tips and constructive criticism.

But what I most appreciate is this one line...

"you've got sooooo much potential to become a good writer"

That means alot.

Thank you.

I agree with camarac, it was a descent piece. But tha begining lacked lil and tha middle which was quoted by Camarac was ok no better then average. It wasn't till the end were it got better, so to be honest this was average maybe a little more.
~1~

aiight duke...the beginnin to me was some fire...but then that fire started to fade toward the end...started nice...finished lame....and when you said this..

You go to church and hear the choir! I'm a stay live wire and fuckin high flyer

did you mean fly higher....cuz that doesnt make sense to high flyer dawgs...

this piece was coo...ya wordplay was dope in the beginning...thats what made it so good...along wit the vocab...then you fell off.....


igido

I guess I coulda wrote...

"I'm a stay A live wire and A fuckin high flyer"

Thanks for tha input...

I appreciate it, man...

damn that was fucken hot i gotta agree wit everyone else that shit was amazing teh hottest part i thought even though its not hot lyricaly is when you said Seen the inside, ain't scared of their cells...
But don't want a trip back to that place called hell. that shit was fucken dope mad good drop

Thanks Genesis...

The props mean alot.

I'll check ya shit when ya start droppin, man...

Peace

Pretty ill drop...............Ur wordplay was the best part of this.......U played wit ur words in every line.................Multies was HOT............Your vocabulary was also tight..............The concept of this piece was creative.........U stayed on topic.....And your content was Nice.........Overall this was a sick piece.........9/10....

No place for that shit in domesticity, not when money's needed ta pay electricity.
No room for eccentricity cuz family life is suppossed to be simply simplicity.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^My favorite lines..........Keep it up dawg , return da favour http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthr...&threadid=80376

Real nice BTK , .......damn .....i didnt know u could drop em like this.......dajum,......props man .....

Thanks much, Bash...

I'll peep yours, no doubt...

Much appreciated, man.

And Thugz...

Thanks to you, too...

I think I drop better in here than in battle.

I appreciate the props, my man.

lol^^... nice edit

I could break down , but than i would repeat what allready was stated.... but nice read dawg....keep em comin