*cant*
 

Purple haze
mezmerized
by your intense gaze
a shadowed blaze
a consealed gleam
in my eyes
never in my wildest dreams
would I be attracted to
someone so unseen
cuz Im kinda clean
if you know what I mean
looking obscene
now
that Ive turned away
i just cant stay
or even bring myself to say
that Im feeling this
way
in the back of my mind
I know that its wrong
we cant go on

not bad a little short......nice flow to it......opposites attract so the topic was clear....i would kinda like to see you expand on your thought a little.....there was nothing wrong with what is there it just needs to be beefed up a little add a little more thought and maybe a little emotion....i didn't feel you were connected to this in an emotional way....keep it up though.....

agree wit pro, a lil short. Didn't feel like you put any emotion into it. nice one for the first try.

iight

first off aloha to rapbattles

and the piece:

it was short seeming i admit with the rest of them, should dig deep inside you find those feelings you didnt know where there and add some more depth and feeling to it ( try to make me cry coz i feel and relate to the piece and it brings back such strong pics )

It had a great flow to it, i never once became lost in your words, and i could tell the message of what you were saying, just put more emotion in it

~Tera~
DONT HATE

thank you everyone, I do agree. There was no emotion put into it. It was off the top of my head. Prolly 3 minuts flat. Comments appreciated!

Im not really new, Im in college and I dont have a constant computer source. Profoundlyunique aka profoundunique1