keystyle/vent
 

i dissolve thought in concious acts splattered
conform when caught in daunted tracks that matter
before left behind kids listen to words i've recited
i pour over designed bids to connect with a blunt n' lighter
my body torn to tatters with the clatter of a tense writer
simply put i ain't the best but i am good
lived my whole life stuck in the tragedy of the hood
paced myself so not to disgrace myself
laced shelves with my faced visions of hell
winged demons reach on me screaming
leaving thoughts of dreaming caught in webs decieving
recieving scars wrought on this already broken back
beat near death with the bloody end of a broken bat
gone to bat for niggas who fuck me for money
lovely now i'm cold broken friendless and hungry
so how the fuck am i supposed to see things sunny
when i was kicked abused and left for dead in the gully
past giving friendly looks to crooks who steal my books
not the king of rap just a pawn being beaten by rooks
i wish for a mother who would sing clean and cook
but those are fruitless wishes for things mistook
and so
i leave you with these overburdened words of wisdom
fuck your politics your rims your system
fuck your dollars bills your fast wheels and all your riches
we all leave broke some of us sporting stitches

upping

i likes twin came good in your own way and authenticty

that was an ok drop it could have been better but you got talent keep workin on ya shit -1-

thanks for the indepth replies

:( uppin for more replies and feedback

check it

ya lines were too short, but you kept the flow nice, awsome key, couldn't tell if it was really cuz its like you dropped a bomb shell man, you're multis added up along the way, but fucked up ure rhymescheme when you used it man. your metas n similies were needed, you lacked a lil, but they were kinda there... your topic was a lil off, bounced kinda like fat titties, but over all it was a nice drop

good, all in all man, keep droppin it.

This peice was pretty good i thought, you had good flow, had some good mutlies, could use some more multies to support the flow, kinda got off topic a bit but thats ok, keep dropping...and if you could check out Me and Gene Pools peice 2 of a kind, thanks.

your l;ines were too small and didn't flow correctly, but it was quite good wordplay, still time to develop. It was quite good, don't get me wrong, but the subject matter swapped too much, too quicly. But all in all, if it was spit, and no one had heard it before, it would be alright