A Pen When You Teach
 

You use a pencil when you learn
A Pen to teach
You use your hands to grasp
Your mind to reach
You use your eyes to see
Your vision to see clear
Your use your ears to listen
Your soul to hear
You create what is abstract
Make up what's real
You use your fingers to touch
But your heart to feel....


....just screwing around in class...drop your thoughts...

aight not bad son jus need to elevate....................good intentions tho..........................................

I really liked it simple but profound, 1luv.

It's simple short and to the point, good, keep elavatin

iight

i liked this

it was short but nice, and different, i liked the whole sences thing

it had a nice flow, but some places i felt it kinda fell apart but the only place i noticed it the most was the last line it just feels better if you add another beat in there like

ex:
You use your fingers to touch
But your heart to feel....

change to...
you use your fingers to touch
but WITH your heart to feel....

dunno to me that little word makes it flow better

re read things, and fool around with a piece till you find your best sounding piece, keep writing

~Tera~
DONT HATE

its alright, u need to elevate a bit and improve on the quality

..................

lol thanks for the critiques....people talking to me like i'm not a damn vet lol....
LP

This was pretty good, you kept on point and used good wording for the content of the piece.
Some nice feelings came from this and im almost certain that theres more where that came from, keep up. ~1~

could you drop some feedback on my piece called "sarah"
Thanx