Day Dream . .
 

Day Dream

As i Wonder from Reality, Lacking the Mentality, to Stay Focused on Life
Established a Whole New World, my Imagination Unfurled, i Walk into the Light ..
in the Distance i See the Girl i Like, my Stomachs Tight, but i cant Reach Her
Moving Onward, Thinking of Possibilities, Rejection is a Factor, i Head Deeper ..
into that Light, an Unreal Fantasy, I Finally Get my Long Desired Wish
but What i Conceal, she Wont be Appealed, Dropping Bombs if i tell her this Shit ..
i'll Think of Ways to Dodge the Topic, her Enterage will Stop It & Blow My Cover
Looking for the Gum in my Pocket, to be the one In Her Locket, for her to be my Lover ..
Im Close - but she is Drifting Away, My Day Dream is Ending, I Missed Her
I Guess its a Good Thing, Because my Last Dream was About her Sister ..

Another 10 Lines of Joy . .

yo i thought that post was pretty good. the topic and content were ok, and the wordplay and vocab were good. i liked the way it ended about her sister, that was chillin, overall that was a good post, keep postin and elevatin man, i enjoyed readin that.

yo if u have the time can u check into my post?
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=81167
thanx

peace.....

Uppin This Beeitch . .

lol, . . . this made me laugh
vocab seemed forced. flow
wasn't all too great. but the
story made up for it. . .forget
my criticism, keep writing like
this and you'll be respected
on my list of about 3 people
on RB. so keep it up. nice job
want to collab?

^^ what sand said

the last line had me like.. umm.. ok
i know how u feel, well kinda... i didnt get her or her sister
the vocab did seem kinda forced but with the rhyme scheme you were doing i see why you needed it... sometimes less is more...
flowed well due to the consistency of rhymes...
good drop

if you would be so kind
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=81183

this was a tight piece,kinda slow, flow was alil chopy, rhyme scheme wasnt that bad, vocab was aiight,multis seemed forced,other than that thiswas pretty tight.keep droppin.~1~

Thanks . .

& Word Sand, Collab Sounds Tight . .

I Did This In A Whole 4 Minutes! -

how do you say witty......i like the plot twist the vocab didn't seem too forced just a little uneven.......great example of story telling......had me thinking you were going somewhere else with the story though.......this was dope coulda been better.....mostly needed to be a little longer i wanna see how this shit turns out but good drop...


straight newbie move here:
please check out my drop
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=81436