Missin you! (Tell me wht you think)
 

Missin You Babe!

Off to the army
To serve for your country
While I'm sittin at home
Doin your laundry.

Like tears fill my eyes
Tears fill my heart
Trying to hide all of these lies
Man its to hard

Can't deny it
And no I didn't cheat
It ain't my style
C'mon I read from the bible.

What am I to do Splitsoul
Gravity took over
I'm paying my toll
I found my four leaf clover

It's like some play,
I'm apart of the cast
I'm fallin in love
But puttin on an act.

My heart should be ice
In a hot summer day
Cuz son it's 'melting' for you
From your awesome 'rays'

The days are getting shorter
Soon you will return
Hope in all of this
There is something we both learn

I'm missin you terribly
We both know it's true
If you don't
Get a fuckin clue

You won my heart
Everyone can vouch
Your at the top of my chart.
Now I can sit on my couch

I can relax
I told you the facts
What can i do
Nothing because I love you

yo that was pretty damn good. it was obvious the emotion and feelings were there which i like. the vocab was ok, but the wordplay was good. the flow was pretty constant throughout the post. overall that was a good post girl, just keep postin and elevatin.

yo can u please return the favor?
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=81167
thanx

peace.....

uppin............................................. .................................................. .................................................. ........

this was a alright peice, your flow was alright, you vocab was pretty good, and your wordplay was good too i thought, it was a good peice to read, overall it was a good peice, keep dropping.

nice piece, good vocab, emotion was there, u had a great flow, but no like 3 word lines, expand them to more complex, indepth about your feelings, in all its a good piece for someone new to the site, g'luck

uppin............................................. .................................................. .................................................. .....

uppin............................................. .................................................. .................................................. ........

Damn, u got skillz, babe. Keep droppin like this. O and check out "4th Period... Bored... Again..." I just wrote it to write it. holla back.

alright peace, emotion full of it, and it was entertainin'.......................liked it, it was good, but flow was lil off, in my opinion...............still ill though

uppin............................................. .................................................. .................................................. ............

Girl reminds me of my peeps over seas fighting......
I loved this work of art.

LOOK FOR IT
MURDA_MISTRESS DROPS IN OPEN MIC 10/6/03

uppin........................................ Thanks for the feedback.............................

uppin............................................. .................................................. .................................................. ......

uppin............................................. .................................................. .................................................. ...............

stop upping this

[closed]