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confusion (a nice short piece)
Im trying to for fill my parents dreams/
Whilst trying to ignore my parents screams/ Still unable to speak yet trying to painfully/ Mould myself into there desire it was straining me/ But I continued to succeed in catching their attention/ Seeking to impress trying to be perfection/ Both parents proud of me it was asif I was there selection/ Out of every person in the world 2 date/ I was so happy with them because they did create/ A loving environment 4 me/ So u can see I came from a loving family/ As I grew I started 2 imitate my fathers actions/ I mentally stored every single fraction/ Of love shown by my dad towards my mother/ I could tell they really loved each other/ I grew 2 the age where I started dating/ From my mental notes of dad I started creating/ Romantic gestures 4 this girl I adored/ And as 4 the places we went 2 I couldn’t really afford/ But still love is worth more than money/ Yet after a while I cold see she was scared of me/ At that moment of time I didn’t realise/ That she didn’t treasure them blacked eyes/ I always wondered why I heard my mums cries/ I thought they were tears of joy/ Because she loved me her beautiful boy/ But maybe she didn’t enjoy the love shown/ By my father I thought she liked that broken bone/ And so I continued 2 love how I new/ And now im in here having a conversation with 2 u/ 4 my love is true that’s why I broke my angles arm 2/ I cant understand why you have gotten involved/ Locking me up until the matter is resolved/ If u want me 2 confess well then I confess 2 love/ Im just doing what my father did to his little dove/ |
i like, reminds me a bit of my child hood growing up, trying to be what my parents wanted instead of what i wanted. nice piece.
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It's amazing. Not only do you have great technical skill, but you also drop an important message.
I mean, there are a lot of men like that. And it's sad because they hit their significant others simply because they don't know any better. I guess it's things like that that make me glad I never had a male role model. The only bad part was the flow was a bit choppy when the rhyme scheme changed. ~Shalom~ |
nice piece...
i like the concept a lot, its progression was nice, feelin the wordplay.. not bad, the structure is decent.. so is the flow, i wasnt in2 the emotion that much or the imagery |
You did a real nice job writing this. As I was reading it I didn't expect the end to be like that, with the guy hitting the girl. You never let on to that kinda thing earlier in the writing so I thought that little twist was good. I liked the message you had in it. That sons take after fathers and don't really know that sort of thing is wrong. I still think fuckers that do it are stupid but it's a different view this piece showed me. Nicely written.
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iight
wow i really liked the message behind this whole piece, i certanly wasnt expecting it, and if it wasnt for that i dont think you would have pulled this off, for i found the structure and flow of it all a bit choppy, but because of the impact the overall message i didnt really notcie till i read it again. ~Tera~ DONT HATE |
dope
i dunno if u remeber me..but i read your stuff way back......its just as amazing as ever
As I grew I started 2 imitate my fathers actions/ I mentally stored every single fraction/ Of love shown by my dad towards my mother/ I could tell they really loved each other/ i loved the family reference its something everyone can relate to PERFECT family or NOT.... the effect of love in teh family is scared and not everyone has experinced it i myself havent this was a wonderful peice dope hazy |
Re: dope
i started writing this piece after been inspired by this line by rookie-g
Quote:
at 1st i didnt mean 2 write it how it ended up it was just ment 2 be about tryin 2 fulfill ur parents dreams but as i wrote it, it just set it self up 4 a nice little twist at the end so i guess it was more of a fluke than techinical skill how it finished up but still thanx 4 all the feed back from all of u its appericiated |
I love this, the structure was nice and the message hit hard with out just coming out and saying I abused because I saw abuse. This is one of the few i can saw I really really dug. One
Hope you'll leave some feed. And if you look the reason tis th last post in replies |
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