.:Dream's:.
 

Intro to the dream...

Close my eyes, enter submission, the manifolds disrupt my tainted vision
Gradually a light begins to glisten, tunnelling deep into a dream-filled sporadic rhythm..

Falling Asleep..

Journeying deep within subconsciousness, a voyage of subordinate fears
Grasped the alternative aftermath, carressed the tears, My co-ordinates adhear
To an alter fate above which descends upon my sleeping soul at night
As my conscious enters a dream-world to destrupt light, my goal in sight

Dreaming Part One: Random..

In front of my drifting entity lies three doors, One must only assume my guess is well
For my assumption grasps my mind, one leads to heaven, purgatory, or visits hell..
The white room around me, surrounding, like a cage and I'm trapped within this tomb
The sidelines shift so incoheirant, falling inward, dodge to a door to escape certain doom

Dreaming Part Two: Cause and Effect..

Door one on my right hand lead to an unsuspecting village, drenched in the silence of the night
Crickets sound off in the background, atuning my sight, adjustment, altering the violence of the fight
For now complete peace and harmony engulfs this tiny village, so I continue onward, blindly
Lonely, No one's beside me, Hoping that within this massacre someone might find me
But alas my hopes seem hopeless until I see the raging inferno ahead of my gaze
Deathly impared I journy on towards the flames, feels like for years I've been heading this way

Dreaming Part Three: NightMares..

Unto the blazing fire I step foot, not knowing what lies ahead of my innocent soul
But much to my dismay, a hideous beast reveales it's unwanted aura, in a minute it froze
But leaped upon my victimized body, tore away my legiments with lust for blood
The hate that filled it's eyes circumsized my mind and tore the grey matter, tossing my corpse into the dust and mud

Dreaming Part Four: Sanctuary..

Soul found submission, but still burried beneath lost articles until the clouds thirst for hunger submerged
Whisping away my dead body to a place where most being only dreamed to have heard
On the contrary, I noticed all for which I have lusted for most of my life and dreamed about without saying a word

Rude Awakening..

Subconscious flutters towards non-existence as the Dream-Scape suddenly dissapates and breaks
Before an everlasting euphoria, my mind state irritates, wish I could stay asleep forever until I suddenly awake




Damn.....

aiight......word life......that shit was dope....glad to see the
SummerSlam didn't effect ur skillz......nice vocab....great grasp
on the topic.....damn....i'm afraid to go to sleep after u nightmare
part......but word.......nice...real nice


9/10

Dope .

Everything about this peice was dope, your usage of words, multi's, internals, the flow was a little off at some points but not enough to affect the rest of the verse. I really enjoyed reading this, I kind of felt like the beast that killed was gods minions or something that destroy you then send your soul to heaven. Thats what I made out of it, but this was awesome to read. Keep writing open mic's cus its really suprising to see what people can do when they open up. I have seen battles of yours and there dope so I was just waiting for the time you did an open mic. . .

Good Work!

Im Out . .

aight honestly..................................i thought this shit was ill............its hard to find origanality on this site but now ive found........not sounding like a homo......but its feeling deep......and ya writing is summit i'll look up in future and shit......wasn't expecting it to be that good but props to ya..........nice shit n all

dope
 

yo knight that was dope...first shit i seen by you on here...good job...ill in all aspects....

For my assumption grasps my mind, one leads to heaven, purgatory, or visits hell..

ill line there...but i liked tha part bout tha knightmare...keep it up man...peace

yo dat shit was dope as fuck....

wicked vocab....

like the way u separated the sections of falling asleep an all....

night mare was hot shit an rude awaking was over the top as well man....

props to ya

It was decent, Flow was choppy as i read it, you need to shorten your lines to give them a better flow, topic was pretty original but i hate how kids break up the different paragraphs, whats with that? Vocab was pretty good, i liked how you built up that kind of atmosphere to this piece, nice word choice, i liked how you directed it, i felt it could of used a couple more internals / multi's etc to liven it up but all in all not bad Knight.

reply to mine 'lego life' when you get time. = )

thanks for the feedback anyone else

*raises hand*

well i read this last night but my fingers were chopped and i just got them back so im replying now...i guess...

Alright..its not like the one that i did for Cam cuz he's special and uhhh..your not. Go figure. hehehe ;)

wait wait...before anything else...i still hate you...how can you write sooo good and with passion all through out...OH god i hate you sooo much. I guess it comes natural. (not your talent but my hate for you. suckah! ;))


But here ya go ...

Whole terminology was on top. Its like Dictionary before my eyes. How the way it was contructed made me realize that your a HOE...uhhh i mean...your too damn good. Realizing the fact that this piece was soooo dope that it made me wanna bitchslap myself from dreaming. More likely...the emotions poured to it was merely a device. Not a bad thing but actually a certain talent thats not improved by many.

Truth written surpassed the concept of reality. Flow was smooth. It came altogether. Compiled with such imagery and reflected to its uttermostly inner meanings.

Brilliant.

THis is what i missed about reading open mics...the great pieces written and shared by a passionate writers.

I have to agree with Cam on the part of the the flow being a bit choppy.

But other than that, well lets just say I don't want to sleep...

. . cause im a mahfuckin P.I.M.P. .

thanks for the feedback, ill post more soon :)

cam ill look at your open mic in a sweet min.