-The Gift-
 

-The Gift-




Gift of life?...gifts arent supposed to b taken back-
why do we die?..gone for good, never to make it back-
we never expect it to happen to anyone near us-
Damn!!...no longer needing to yell at god for u to hear us-
bury our kids?..in a perfect world that would b unheard of-
in search of an answer...on the living I base my concern on-
ever close your eyes and dreamed.. of what it would be like?.-
if the closest thing in your life..would wave her final byes-
damn that would be tough i dont think i would cope-
i really wish i would die first, and fill my cup with hope-
tears fill empty rivers to row against the sea of sorrow-
maybe if I blink tomorrow, God would give u back the life u borowed-



R.I.P Clair...

Pretty decent, work on internals and rhyming
with different words & you'll be writing better
also work on some more imagery, put me in
this open mic, make it so I feel im going threw
what your telling us in the peice, good work
I know you'll pull something out soon thats

Dope..

^^i agree, the flow was on target, the wordplay was ok, the vocab was pretty good. overall id rate that a 6-7/10. that was pretty good, but it could still use some improvement.

yo can u return the favor and please post a reply on this?
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=81167
thanx

peace.....

Can see the emotion in this...

I think thats why you had problems with internals and such...

Keep writing though....
Good emotional drop man...

Peep
Huh? ft Chrit

This was a good read i thought, your flow was good too, your wordplay was alright, and your vocab was pretty good also, overall it was pretty good i thought, and if you get the chance check out my peice called "Losing Hope" thanks.

thank you for the feedback ..the reason i wrote what i wrote was because a good friend of mine died in a car accident two days ago and i just wanted to write not your average open mic piece but i just wrote what was in my head first......thank you for the feedback.

...yo i thought that was deep...
...really feeling that...
...good vocab...
..."tears fill empty rivers to row against the sea of sorrow-
maybe if I blink tomorrow, God would give u back the life u borowed-"... dope
...U got real potential...

This was really tight...

All i can say is you doen your freind justice

And...

I feel for you

That was good shit. You had the emotion in it. Your friend will be proud. I know what your feelin. I lost somebody close to me too!

emotion can be detected by the audience..and in my opinion if your heart is into it the mechanics dont have to be perfected. nice read, a bunch of lines that really made me think..and while this may not be the best put together peace, it still ranks high in my book due to the content.

I like, deep, could flow together a lil better. The end came together though, so that was ok. the message was felt, and thats all that matters.