..First Day Of School..
 

Im always living on the good times in life, …..like its my birthday/
Like the first-day of school,… a fat kid came in, ….I thought it was a earthquake/
He shook the tables-n-chairs, I was unstable-in-fear,…cause he was staring at my cookie/
Started walking but he tripped-n-fell-“nooo” I said, he broke his hip-n-elbow, the boom shook-me/
I stumbled, then i tumbled, and I just layed-there, then he jumped me, he didn’t play-fair/
I gave him a hook-right-across-the-face, it took-him-outta-the-place, now hes at day-care/
After that I started hitting-on-my-teacher, started getting-all-her-features, cause I was horny/
Then I ran up an humped-her-legs, didn’t stop till I bumped-my-“eggs”, she tried to warn-me/
I fell-over-in-pain, and don’t tell-me-its-lame, cause for my age I got the right size/
She took-me-home, then she shook-me-bone, till I blew it in her face and I was only five/

Hey another short peice, leave me some feedback, thanks.

This was basic...
Your flow was there,you chose a common topic.
Your structure was a little off@times
Try some metties,vocab and wordplay
1

Hey thanks for the feedback, keep it coming, much appreciated, thanks.

It had good flow
It was funny
And I want a rematch sometime foo!

Hey thanks for the feedback, keep it coming, and yeah rematch sometime lol.

Masta good piece........................ ..................it was funny ............................... good use of multies.......................flow was good man ........................... keep em commin man.....................nice topic too

hey, thanks for the feedback, keep it coming, much appreciated, thanks.