SS Verse: On the Horizon
 

Second try at topical....
Still learning
Another keyed verse...


Born a faceless baby... another face in the crowd...
Thought I was special thats why I cried out loud...
Infancy intilled the fact.. life's snowflake we all matter...
Meaning is what we strive for... its the goal we are after...
School starts and tells us to strive for individuality...
But yet tells us to conform... I cant stand this duality...
Taught to follow rules.. yet we must think outside the box...
Formulas to adhere to yet preaching original thoughts...
School prepares us for real life... Is this how things must be...
A society that tells us what to do... how to think and what to be?...
I guess ignorance is bliss... I hope to be blind to reality...
Freedom a fantasy... Being able to speak ya mind... a fallacy...
You must work to support yourself... Another role to play....
Wondering when I'll choose my own path... could it be today?...
Retirement comes anticipated... shutter to think I truly hate it...
So stuck in a rut... that I now miss this game and how I've played it...
Deaths around the corner... not afraid I"m truly stunned...
Realization that REAL life... only exists "on the horizon"

i liked the idea and originality but i jus wasnt feeling tha flow...........everythin else was fine but i wasnt on beat or feeling this.......ya said it yaself that this is ya only 2nd topical.......but its obvious ya soon to elevate in this category....all i say is jus keep keying verses and elevate.........this was deep shit tho......i liked this

School starts and tells us to strive for individuality...
But yet tells us to conform... I cant stand this duality...

this was such a hot line coz wen i look bk on school i think, damn i was a bit of a prik to some p[eeps.........jus to conform.....anyways soz for babbling blood......peace

^^^

Word flow was a little off...
But yeah its topical...
So its aight...

But thanks for comments...
Hopefully I end up decent at this stuff

that was dope...the wordplay an story line was great..the questions and emotion you seemed to of had in it was interesting, you could really flow on that an inticipate it to a new level, great piece...if you have time can you check out my newest open mic..be ya self...thanks man lates

pretty good stuff homie


'I guess ignorance is bliss... I hope to be blind to reality...
Freedom a fantasy... Being able to speak ya mind... a fallacy
^stood out...

ur flow was pretty sound to me when i read it..maybe it depends on the reader
anyway the basic concept was good...just need to iclude some more imagery within the verse...vicab was slightly better than usual too
overall i see an improvement

what?


stfu^...an improvement

damn dude i was really fellin it. the vocab and wordplay were off the hook. the questions u asked were hella interestin. i dunno im wit fgee i thought the flow was fine. great post man, i really enjoyed readin it.

peace.....

i must say chirt your good at this topical
the topic u dropped was a combination of 2 drop i did but your was may more than the sum of my parts

your flow was slightly off at times but the effort you put in played out in the end... your topical may be rusty but you will be and ill overall mc soon... keep this up

combo links i mention:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=80529
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=81183
if you would be so kind
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=82007

Thanks for the comments ya'll


Uppin

Since G.Hod no-showed...

Upping for feedback

This was a good read... i thought you werent good at topicals??? lol you are gettin pretty damn good.. ok here we go

Born a faceless baby... another face in the crowd...
Thought I was special thats why I cried out loud...
^^^DOPE... i like the imagry of the faceless baby... good meta

Infancy intilled the fact.. life's snowflake we all matter...
Meaning is what we strive for... its the goal we are after...
^^^VERY good line... i like that idea of the goal we are all after

School starts and tells us to strive for individuality...
But yet tells us to conform... I cant stand this duality...
^^^this is the best line i think... its pure truth... this is how EVERY school is... i dont care what kind it is

Taught to follow rules.. yet we must think outside the box...
Formulas to adhere to yet preaching original thoughts...
^^^this will be my excuse when i get in trouble for breaking a rule next time lol

School prepares us for real life... Is this how things must be...
A society that tells us what to do... how to think and what to be?...
^^^like the matrix... lol i like this line too... very deep

I guess ignorance is bliss... I hope to be blind to reality...
Freedom a fantasy... Being able to speak ya mind... a fallacy...
^^^freedom a fantasy... good line... fuckin gov't

You must work to support yourself... Another role to play....
Wondering when I'll choose my own path... could it be today?...
^^^sounds like my mom... she says somethin like that to me like every day

Retirement comes anticipated... shutter to think I truly hate it...
So stuck in a rut... that I now miss this game and how I've played it...
^^^dope

Deaths around the corner... not afraid I"m truly stunned...
Realization that REAL life... only exists "on the horizon"
^^^good ending... it was a good topical that you ended well

this was a good topic and you adressed it very well... you should be placed pretty damn high in SS cause they are doing the rankings by verse... not wins and losses... good peice... GREAT read