SS - Chasing Doves
 

Mad Man No Showed Me.. So I Want To Get Sum
Feedback On This Piece.. -Gh0st-

..What It Was Before..

Two Children, East Germany.. Live Life In Thoughtless Perjury..
Yet Currently, Im At The Point Where I Wish No one Ever Herd Of Me..
No One Will Learn Ta See, The Pain From Cultural Divides..
They Take Sides From The Heredity That They Didn't Decide..
Thats Life..Near The Age Of 5, Met The Gurl Of My Dreams..
The Proceeds Forseen, Yet The Simplicity Is Not As It Seems..
The Scenes.. Of Time Spent, Kissing Pecks On The Behind Fence..
It Made Fine Sense.. That We Were Destined yet She Wasn't Even Mine Yet..

.. How It Progressed ..

Time Past Fast.. Class, Was Spent Writing Notes Til War..
Whats More, Is That I Seen Her The Way I Never Her Seen Her Before..
It Shocked The Score.. What I Knew Was Right, Turned Against Me..
Nextly, Prison Camps Were Where Time Percents-Me..
Accepting Was The Only Right To My Country, My Moral Duties..
Serving My Time Yet Wanted To Stop All The Shooting..
Then Sumthing Took Me.. Seen The Familiarity, Just Didn't Know Who..
Woulda Took You..Cuz I Was The Nazi And the Love Of My Life Was a Jew..

.. The Ending Occurrances ..

Brought Her Back To The Camp.. Hiding That I Knew Her..
I Played The Fool Sir.. Until I Found It Was I That Had To Shoot Her..
I Couldn't Do It.. The Blood Fluid So Tight It Lost All Hues Of Red..
It Was Foolish, But Then The Lead Was At My Head, "Shoot Her Or Your Dead"..
I Begged.. The Refuses Of Useless Excuses Worsened..
Shut The Curtains.. 6 Inch Barrel Of Titanium At The Mercy Of This Person..
Decisons Un-Certain.. My Love Or Culturally Based..
Situations Two-Faced.. Hearts Ambition Next To Religon N' Race..
What A Waste, En-Cased Inside The Bullets' Shell..
My Act Couldn't Sell.. Closed The Wheel, Cocked It And Looked To Hell..
Finger On The Trigger, Face In Shivers.."I Love You" Murmered In Soundless Words..
Shot Heard.. Two Chasing Doves.. Though Different Beliefs.. Are Still The Same Birds..

nice drop mon amie
at first i didnt really think it was going anywhere (when u mentioned germany i guessed it was something to do with war)
but it kinda drew me in to the story
nazi death camp stuff is a bit played...but u managed to create sumthing original
well told in the end and enjoyed it...flow was good vocab etc bla blah
peep mine if u can

FeedBack ?

Nice drop...up ur vocab,metties and wordplay...
But it seemed rather poetic in my view
1

i was feelin that post, the flow was on target, u had good vocab and wordplay, u had tight metas and similes, the content and topic were both original, but i do agree wit redragon, i had a poetic view of the post, anywho it was a good post, keep droppin man i enjoyed readin that.

peace.....

yeah this peice was pretty good, it was a good read, your flow was good i thought, and you had good wordplay, your metas were good, and your vocab was good, overall id say it was a good peice, keep dropping, and check out one of my peices if you get the chance.

Any More ?