[Wk1] IC: Whitelightning vs 2hot2handle
 

checkin in...I guess I will actually finish my verse this week :D

checkin in, can someone explain more on this topic to me so i can understand it better.

Sorry For The Freepost Maven But. .
Did You Get That Topic From Fosse. .?

Cus Thats A Dope Topic & Was Thinking
If You Did Get It From There, Your Cool! :cool:

wtf is fosse?

this was way harder than I thought it was going to be...here it is...

You Turn The Bottle Upside Down
Each Grain Falls With Little Or No Sound
He Was A Simple Man With A Basic Plan
There Was No Doubt What His Life Was About
His Wife and Kids Were His Everything
To See Them Fight Was a Painful Sting
It Was Being Torn Apart Right From the Start
Deep Depression Was Motive For His Agression
Gave Her a Black Eye Over Family Finance
He Wasn't Fazed, He Kept His Hatred Stance
She Needed Her Keys, She Just Had To Leave
He Was Sane, He Wouldn't Committ a Crime In Vain
She Never Saw Her Kids Alive Again
Throats Slit, Walls Covered in Imaculate Blood Stains
He Wanted Eternal Escape, Just Leave The Intense Literal Hate
He Slit Himself Ear To Throat, But He Lived To Face the Next Note
On Trial For Murder He Pleaded Insanity
The Jury Didn't But It, They Ignored the Bullshit Vanity
Serving 25 to Life, He's Got a Brand New Strife
Throw Away The Key, Make Sure the Outside, He'll Never See
He Still Hung On To That Precious Hourglass
Watchin the Sands Fall, Helps the Time Pass
It Was A Symbol, When Life Was Suspenseful
When All Was Merry Before He Acted Like Carrie
Hopefully He Get's Out of This Rotten Hole
Only the Sands Of Time Can Save His Soul

the sands of time are goin fast piece by piece/
this guy is tryin to accomplish so he can live in peace/
livin the hard times in the deserts sand/
so hot and humid you cant stand and approach the sun cause of the beam/
his shit aint easy like cream which is not what it seems/
he has to go through struggles while his hour glass starts to go down fast/
how long will he last through these tough times/
so he picks up a pen and writes his rhymes/
hes a poor guy who gots nothing much more than a dime/
all the shit he has to climb is what his mission is to finish/
he has no family to stand by for some assistance/
he cant afford to buy anything like pants and getting nothin that he wants god to grant/
his life is basically like the sands of time pourin down like a sand storm/
its getting hotter and warm and has no water/
he has no job and just living looking in the sky/
wondering when he is gonna die/
he cant stand it and just enduring as long as he gets/
all he does is stay there and spit what is in his eyes/
all the shit he does he dont get money so he dont see it as a job as just being a slave digging up what he observes/
he gets nothing he deserves and he does not have the nerves to get through all this/
the sand of time has run out and he has just been dismissed/

ok in my eyes Whitelightning won this topic match

His Wife and Kids Were His Everything
To See Them Fight Was a Painful Sting
It Was Being Torn Apart Right From the Start
Deep Depression Was Motive For His Agression
^^^best part of your verse son...

now i didnt really think either of you had GREAT topicals...
but they were ok... it seems like you both rushed them to get them in on time... or maybe you dont have much topical experience... but thie WAS a good topic...

2hot: your verse was very simplistic... i could guess what the next line was gonna say... try to use better vocab and more multis... maybe a few metas... keep workin tho... good try

vote = WhiteLightning

werdness^
whitlightnings was better...just dealt with the topical alot better but both seemed like they lacked topical experience
WL's verse had more feel to it and was a decent atempt at the topic
2hot really seemed to be lost no offence kid.,.just need to write more pieces to get it under your belt..didnt grab me at all
both need to elevate some...but both have potential..
peace

overall not bad-but white took it.

white-ure was short and simple guy killed his wife hourglass overall not bad better flow would have helped a littlebut u did enough to win.

2hot-the story was not very well told and the flow was very off wich made it very hard to follow...

vote-White

okay.

white- your verse was pretty deep...it seemed like you were completely off topic in the middle, and then I re-read the first lines and the last few lines, and was like "dag yo, it all be makin sense, nucca!". Yeah, I think in a gankstuh voice. You had a nice flow, but your rhymes were mostly one word with one syllable, and there wasn't much vocab sticking out. You should try to add all the elements of a dope rhyme to your storytelling talent...your verses would be really dope.

2hot2handle- You need to elevate a lot. Your verse was really played out. It had emotion, but it didn't seem like you tried very hard. Everything you talked about just had to do with living a shitty life , which would have been nice if you had incorporated wordplay and stuff, but you just rambled on. Also, try to tighten up your flow, shit was all over the place. A lot of your words didn't rhyme either.

vote- WhiteLightning

K check it.....lol

White:Nice Setup...Flow Was ok...Good Story Telling..The Fam concept was held well...Over the Sands OF Time..I felt Ur verse..Good Job..Nice Flow...u Kept It Short...and Vocab Wasnt Crazy..but u had good Meaning...Good Job...6/10

2hot:first thing...i didnt like the / at the end of each line/ but it doest matter to me its whats in front of the /...ur flow lacked..in spaces that stuck out...vocab was nothing..i didnt see anything that striking...store fell of a lil....just cuz the topics sand..doesnt mean u write about sand..lol na kid its ok...keep elevating...ull get better

my vote:White

Whitelightning [1-0]
2Hot2Handle [0-1]

Good luck next week.