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-   -   My Fathers Hands (http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=82866)

Dadi Kewl 10-01-03 07:32 AM

My Fathers Hands
 
my fathers hands
the stars at 4AM
a first night in love in the grip of winter
man's magnificent stride
and our portion of the blame
the bitterness of failure
a psalm of forgiveness
the pain of ambition
blood on tooth
a neat diagram
placed next to stream of consciousness scrawl
taking pictures
driving distances to unknown places
being lifted over fences
carried over rocks
and carried over water

just colour me
in your distinction
there's beauty everywhere

and what is it that orchestrates the future
should i be able to conduct her every movement
you would never need worry again
for you make me feel like providing
for you to feel safe and warm
and why are the guiltiest of secrets the most indelible of memories
when all i want to do is remember the pure
my father's hands
its callouses and toil
the colour of the sea
the sun in your hair
the joy of beginning again

just color me
in your distinction
there's beauty everywhere
i am a composition
of the friends i keep and
my geography
my geography

i remember autumn leaves
with your hand in mine
non-persuasive arguments
mouths to feed and loss of ground
a transferance of guilt is always tangiable no matter how
i remember autumn leaves with your hand in mine

my geography
people tell me that i'm alone
recovery

rags to riches
my fathers hands
in everything i have made

HazY.B 10-01-03 06:42 PM

there's beauty everywhere


sadly there isnt

i wish that statement was true but to me its not
and in hte mind of your character i can tell they belive that
which nonetheless saddens me

my geography
my geography

this confused me becuase i never grasped whether you were telling of your geography as your body? your mind? or your surrounding

i may have just not grasped it on my own terms

this peice was very diffrent from what ive been reading latley and i have to give you props for simply bringing originality into the poetry scene
hazy

Dadi Kewl 10-02-03 05:40 AM

My geography, is my childhood, everything that was, before now.

Up

Dadi Kewl 10-02-03 07:47 PM

Up

Content 10-02-03 08:04 PM

my fathers hands
the stars at 4AM
a first night in love in the grip of winter
man's magnificent stride
and our portion of the blame
the bitterness of failure
a psalm of forgiveness
the pain of ambition
blood on tooth
a neat diagram
placed next to stream of consciousness scrawl
taking pictures
driving distances to unknown places
being lifted over fences
carried over rocks
and carried over water

~somebodys life all placed opon the page fancilly~
~if thats a word....wonderfully done...I think~
~thats what I got from this here..ups and downs~
~mistakes when trying to do right and what not~

and what is it that orchestrates the future
should i be able to conduct her every movement
you would never need worry again
for you make me feel like providing
for you to feel safe and warm

~I fealt that here man..all men arent assholes ladies~
~and just cause we think someone hot dosent mean~
~that we wanna fuck them obscenely...nicely worded add~

i remember autumn leaves
with your hand in mine
non-persuasive arguments
mouths to feed and loss of ground

~nicely worded...great experiences im presuming~
~feeling like your on cloud nine with her..understandable~

a well done piece man...I wish you would have tried on me
because you would have probaly knocked me out....
or maybe its not like that...anyhow this was a decent piece

la paz

Dadi Kewl 10-03-03 10:28 AM

Thanx, Up

Edicius 10-03-03 10:49 AM

Erm,...Personal, .......deep

i liked it , ...the way of ur expression , ...the vocab u used and the structure.

and our portion of the blame
the bitterness of failure
a psalm of forgiveness
the pain of ambition

Real nice, ....Props:)

Dadi Kewl 10-04-03 08:17 AM

Thankyou,
Ups...last time....


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