First Keystyle on RB plz leave feedback
 

A keystyle I made one mornin before my 3rd shift this is my first keystyle on RB and I hope i can correct my errors and make my next one better. Thanks to all who leave feedback I appreciate it.

I hate bitchs!!
so ill probably find me a slut to fuck
cut her up to tiny little pieces
then ill find a whore and torture her till i find two more
if they die ill get high and store them away where theres no door
fuck the weather forecast
bitchs gettin blasted, clapped, cut up and stashed
flash photography
lucky me!
50 corpses, five in each freezer
that equals 10 rooms and 2 days to thaw for each date
mabye my mind state is fucked up
but if you do the math you'll have 20 days to rough em up
till they fall apart
then ill fill up a cup with jim bean
sow em back together seam to seam
think about it
bitchs to fuck with no drama and dead girls don't say no
so why the fuck not?
well if you get caught the karma will send ya to hell
then the cops will raid ya place and send you straight to jail
mabye this tale has a point to tell
when two dudes go to rape ya theres not a chance they will hear no/
nor will there be any real drama cept for that crazy cop with a club who hears you yell yo Yo YO!/
then breaks it up
picks you up
brings ya to the hole where he will find a way
to let his snake play all day for many weeks
and so now your gay cause you were constantly raped for being meek
now i guess the story is complete
so i think ill stick to alive chicks from now on
and hope to god nobody digs up my front lawn


?~?~?~?~?~?~?~?~?
The most famous necrophiliac was sergeant Bertrand, who roamed the cemeteries of Paris in the revolution year 1848 in search of graves of recently dead young girls. His case caused much consternation in an already turbulent Paris. Psychiatrists threw themselves on the affair. It led to the first modern sexuologist article by C.F. Michéa in which he proposed a categorization of perverse identities. At its centre was "philopédie" or the love of young lads, a neology for a phenomenon which fifteen years later was called uranism and twenty years later homosexuality.
It is weird that a scandal of the violation of a corpse led to the first formulation of a theory on homosexuality.
?~?~?~?~?~?~?~?~?
(Knowledge is power)

Uppin for Feedback
 

^^Uppin for Feedback

Plz Dont sleep I want some feedback
 

Plz Dont sleep
Plz leave feedback, I want to correct my faults and see what it all is in the eyes of you guys.

haha...wtf is this.....u talkin bout fuckin a dead bitch???????
u krayzie mahfucka...."20 days to rough em up" hahaha...fuck foo...u fuckin mad man...dead girls dont say no....u got problems..but luckily this is just comedy...not really funny but i see your intent.....plus i hate to see and open mic flow get slept on


re-do the favor wont ya??

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=84172

thx
 

Thanks for feedback ill return the favor
To all you other peeps Plz DonT SlEEp!

ok, flow was off to me, try working on your structure..make all your lines around the same length so it'll flow better....you could also use some multies to help the flow...vocab was simple and could use some upping...content was ok, maybe could have used some more wordplay or something....it stayed on topic....overall an ok drop...keep dropping...the more you write the better you'll get...

so i think ill stick to alive chicks from now on
and hope to god nobody digs up my front lawn

liked the way you ended it ^

if you get a chance could you peep my latest open mic and give me some feedback...
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=83967

i enjoyed it cause it was different especielly the structure i think this be a hot audio

No flow, and what the fuck.. lmao