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-   -   Distress Call (Feedback Please) (http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=83231)

~*sPiTTeNgUrl*~ 10-02-03 10:15 PM

Distress Call (Feedback Please)
 
Distress Call

Fertalized egg by one mistake
A foolish game should've never been played
The consequences never to be paid
A life taken by the devil himself
Like a miss placed item on top of a shelf
A helpless embryo with somewhere to go
A path to follow, struggles unknown

Crushed by complications
Surrounded by insulation
Like a piece of glass
Inside all the 'pane'
She trys to get away
Like running a race
There is no one to chase

Her dreams disappear
Like black cats in the night
Stuck in a maze
But there can't be a fight
The alcoholic parents
The ones that never cared
Send her fears straight into the air.
Like a lighting strike in the sky
A deep thought crosses her mind.

Her name in a dictionary
Because her life is so 'defined'
It can't be replaced
For she is the scuicidal kind

Desperatly wanting help
She steering for the edge
Wishing she had success
Before she puts herself to rest

Embrassed in her disgrace
She lives life without a trace
Bowing her head to cover her face
Embarrassed by her shame
She lives on with a her name
To start a new game


Distress Call

Gene Pool 10-02-03 10:30 PM

nice drop, ur flow was good, ur vocab was alrihgt, u had good content and u stuck to ur topic pretty well, what u could use though is some more wordplay but ur rhyme scheme was alright, I think this is a pretty straight forward piece and it's an easy read so good job keep droppin and elevatin.

if u got the time check out my song "ways of life" should be like right at the top. it's kinda a long piece but if u could kindly read through it all and leave me some feedback then that'd be great. thanx in advance peace.

~*sPiTTeNgUrl*~ 10-02-03 10:44 PM

uppin............................................. .................................................. .................................................

Maven 10-02-03 11:08 PM

one thread per day.

[closed]


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