Elements of life
 

.: Life :.
Used to be beautifull, destroyed by sickminded people, thinkin the know whats best,
Iventions to help them selves, but in a long term terminating the rest.

.: Power :.
Drivin people crazy, amzing things accure when power is blindin,
can't handle it, so piece by piece tru your hands its slidin.

.: Love :.
Makes a person what he is, surroundings of loved ones forms u to the person u know are,
precious, meaninfull, full of memories, ..and inner struggles, simalar to a war.

.: Trust :.
U cant buy, people thinkin its possible but dont give it even a try,
because trust goes togeghter with love, from the day that u been born and the day that u die.

.: Speculations :.
Makes people think the know, what they dont..,
try to make themselves feel better but it wont.

.: Inner Thoughts :.
The strength inside contains the elements to survive,
guide u tru the obstacles, u face in live.

.: Death :.
The end of a long road, ..everything u did comes to end,
so hopefully, u can be proud on the way u lived the days that u have been spend.



Short keystyle hope u all like it some feed back plz

just being helpful
 

the scripture as a whole is decent.. but you need to work on
how you piece it together... for instance


"U cant buy, people thinkin its possible but dont give it even a try,
because trust goes togeghter with love, from the day that u been born and the day that u die."


when you write a paraphrase you cant make one sentence longer than the other because then when you say it out it comes out uneven

also try to use spellcheck because its hard to decypher
it when we cant really tell what word you want to use...



"guide u tru the obstacles, u face in live."


* is tru supposed to be through?
and you cant "face in live".... before you submit you should
just read it over carefully and pick out small parts like that
and try to find a better word....

i have been writing for 9 years and your own style comes to you
from having others help you get there...

over all good piece and keep writing


One

Re: just being helpful
 

thats a very good reply she pointed out all the little problems that i noticed so considering i cant add more on that part of it i will say that this is a good piece with a very nice topic if it was just wrote a little bit better it would be a very good piece

keep posting

yeah this was a good piece, it was worth reading i thought, it flowed pretty decent, your content was good, you had good vocab, i was feeling the meaning to it as i read it, overall it was pretty good, keep up the good work.

besides what everyone has already said i really liked ya flow.
Good Stuff.

Re: just being helpful
 

I agree, and not just directed at you :)

Spellcheck, Spellcheck, Spellcheck.

Too many poems here lose impact because of simple little things. Its amazing the difference it can make, its a great tool.. use it!

The concept here is really good, and your layout, but I did feel it a little disjointed having to 'figure out' what some of the lines were saying to me.

Peace.