Disguised (*Feedbck Pleaz*)
 

Disguised

My words are hidden
Behind the cities limits.
Over buildings and landmarks They are forbidden
No one can read me,
Their eyes, they're shut, cannot see
From far planets people come
Out of whomes from their mothers stomach
Blood rushes in tons

My words come in surprise
Like The phones ringing
And like The deepness in my eyes
Everythings in a disguise
Somethings come out flinging

The outlook on my appearance
Is dam good, yet no one looks beneath
Where the feelings are intense
Pulling through the ocean reaf.
My words come spitten out
No one can deny
The way these words make you feel
Personally they're ill

Gravity is taken over
My feelings are 'fallen; in
This pool of four leaf clovers
My luck is crashin down
In this small little town.

Whats this
People are affraid
Afrraid of rejection, for my words are hidden
But up are my fists
My decisions are made.
No i ain't kidden

In disguise
My words they are all lies
But my feeling are true
All of these people need to get a fuckin clue
I may be tied down
To a man by a ring
My heart might be stolen
but may be we can have a fling

Don't be mistaken
for the words comin out of my mouth
No they ain't fakin
Come on peeps
Don't make this hard
People can vouch
making big leaps

This cliff ain't too high
And I am full of lies
MAy be the jump will pass me by
My words are hidden
behind my mask
It won't be to anyones surprise
Because all I am
Is one huge disguise!

didn't think it was up to much....................there was no flow to it, an ya structure was evrywhere...........an why have you set it out like that it jus makes it a harder read...................peace!!!!

thanks for the feed back!

uppin............................................. .................................................. .................................................. ......

It seems to me that you are getting better at this ....

your rhymes are gettin tighter, and i see more flow than before....

BUT, it also seems as if you didn't take to heart my feed on lost love... or anything anybody has said about the poor structure...

please make this more readable and develop a rhyming scheme...

{Peace}

thanks sorry when I am writing I just go I am not really looking back on it but next time I will thanks

pretty good, try to get better flow though.

thanks............................................ .................................................. .................................................. ....

uppin............................................. .................................................. .................................................. .......

It's alright, just take ya time, feel the rhyme, and you'll hit tha' right line.

{Love}

aight i can tell ur rhyme shceme is gettin better, but the structure still needs to be changed, the flow fell off a little, but other than that it was a pretty good drop, keep postin and elevatin, ill be lookin for u.

peace.....

uppin............................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................