missin you (feedbck plz)
 

Missin You Babe!

Off to the army
To serve for your country
While I'm sittin at home
Doin your laundry.

Like tears fill my eyes
Tears fill my heart
Trying to hide all of these lies
Man its to hard

Can't deny it
And no I didn't cheat
It ain't my style
C'mon I read from the bible.

What am I to do Splitsoul
Gravity took over
I'm paying my toll
I found my four leaf clover

It's like some play,
I'm apart of the cast
I'm fallin in love
But puttin on an act.

My heart should be ice
In a hot summer day
Cuz son it's 'melting' for you
From your awesome 'rays'

The days are getting shorter
Soon you will return
Hope in all of this
There is something we both learn

I'm missin you terribly
We both know it's true
If you don't
Get a fuckin clue

You won my heart
Everyone can vouch
Your at the top of my chart.
Now I can sit on my couch

I can relax
I told you the facts
What can i do
Nothing because I love you

no rhyme scheme this isnt much of a open mic its more of a poem you know we have a poetry section right?.. it was alright i guess but ya try to drop poems there.. keep spittin

I know it is open mic I am trying to get feedback on how to make it more of a rap people thanks!

ma it could be easily formatted to rap.......just find a beat keep reading it out loud and find the beat you will re type some things but the end product will be a hot rhyme goo luck

thanks I will try that with my next piece!