a short lil peice bout a gurl
 

sorry so short but i just spit this off tha head and just want it to see what yall think

*Ex-Girlfriend
its all tha time at night when im at home
sittin or layin in my bed wit a brew all alone
im still thinkin of you wishin you was in my arm
i thought love was good i never thought it would do harm
who am i switch it up Who I AM isnt tha person who i use to be
times when we was sad, times when i made you moan it was you and me
time from time i just want to sleep and never wake up
heart that you shattered youll never be able to make up
now im gone and you left me all alone wit no worry
matter of fact its tha fact of matter that your not even sorry

your not tha one who puts on a fake smile
and its not you that closes your eyes so tha tears wont show
and its not you that prays before you go to sleep hopin to never see another tomorrow
but it does seem like you that seems to have more joy when your without me......

alright this was ok...try using some interntals to help support the flow so it flows better...and try using some multies...and maybe some metas to make it more interesting to read..I could feel the emoticion in this piece as i read it..but keep elavating..and you will get better..overall it was alright...keep dropping.

that was actually an ok peice for a newb. ur flow fell off a little, but like masta c said if u include some internals the flow should get better. the emotion was there, but ima say try to expand ur vocab and wordplay next time, and i would also choose a different topic cause drops about girls are pretty damn played, but other than that it wasnt bad, keep at it, u got talent man.

peace.....

thanks
 

yea much appreicated by you two like i was gonna use multies and i wanted to use better wordplay but i wont feelin like that ya kno like i wanted to just spit how i felt and i aint kno what else to say for a topic name so but yea thanks for yalls advice preciate it glad someone has time to read and help wit my shit....


UPPIN!!!!!