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-   -   Cold Night (http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=84022)

Reno Starr 10-07-03 02:32 PM

Cold Night
 
I stand here looking down,
Where I once bore a smile now only a frown,
Life seems to have slipped farther away,
Feeling like I did on that cold long day,

I remember it all to well,
My heart fell into the grips of hell,
I have never seen so many tears,
Backed against the wall trapped by my fears,

I slipped away stone cold into my own room,
The soft crimson smell was my perfume,
I only remember the black as my eyes closed,
I awoke within a puddle my weakness exposed,

That all happened weeks ago as I think now,
I hated myself wishing I was strong trying to find out how,
How this happened to me out of all the people in the world,
But like a cyclone my life was picked up and it all swirled,

I now thinking deeper becoming my souls true keeper,
The chances I have taken let me know I do not fear the reaper,
So I sit back another life slowly dieing but not mine,
The life belongs to my pen as its ink goes away in each line.

Peace.

Content 10-07-03 02:58 PM

Im unsure if you switched your name from somethign
that was regular before but theres rules in this forum
and all of the others...so please reply to others before
posting your own poetic scriptures in this forum..its only fair

i didnt look that far into for this reason so ill come back again...
thank you for your time and attention reno starr

HazY.B 10-07-03 02:58 PM

I stand here looking down,
Where I once bore a smile now only a frown,
Life seems to have slipped farther away,
Feeling like I did on that cold long day,

that was kinda odd to me you have great structure thats for sure but the smile to frown has been put in so many poems that i think its bout tyme for someone to REWORD it and give it a new life

I remember it all to well,
My heart fell into the grips of hell,
I have never seen so many tears,
Backed against the wall trapped by my fears,
tears, fears smple ryhme scheme for a simple peice i like the simplicity of this tho its a peice you can pop click n read in 30 seconds instead of struggling your way through it

I slipped away stone cold into my own room,
The soft crimson smell was my perfume,
I only remember the black as my eyes closed,
I awoke within a puddle my weakness exposed,
I LOVE THE PERFUME line that was great its like your waking up and realising HEY SELF IM STILL HERE nah mean
That all happened weeks ago as I think now,
I hated myself wishing I was strong trying to find out how,
How this happened to me out of all the people in the world,
But like a cyclone my life was picked up and it all swirled,
so often have i felt swirled that it seems everyone else is standing still and im floating on by them in chaos, a mess, destruction of my own self
I now thinking deeper becoming my souls true keeper,
The chances I have taken let me know I do not fear the reaper,
So I sit back another life slowly dieing but not mine,
The life belongs to my pen as its ink goes away in each line.
i personally dont fear the reaper and i dont see why many do WHEN he comes he comes and theres no stopping him
this was a nice simple poem , spilling of visuals, but truth be knwn I DIDNT get the feeling of a cold night. purpose defeated? no i dont think so maybe just another path taken...................[/b]
pay back the favor some day eh?

LadyWun 10-08-03 12:46 PM

i really liked the content in your poem you stayed with your
subject and like hazy said a few lines were childs play but still
the rest of it carried that part to the back of my mind. definately
worth the read. Keep writing.

HazY.B 10-13-03 01:29 PM

upping i feel this peice needs more replies and more insight it really is a nice peice


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