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-   -   i need feedback (http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=84108)

kbuzz 10-07-03 08:49 PM

i need feedback
 
You must hate my guts if you dislike conceit//
I don't hate on wack shit, i give it precise critiques//
Every coin got 2-sides, don't judge me by one of mines//
A General, but I get muddy wit' my troops on the front line//
Battlin' setbacks and diminishing faith//
Summon whatever strentgh I can to finish this race//
Now in days nobody likes who the f@ck they are//
F@ck the next man, just be who the f@ck you are//
Put the gear in reverse just to pass you twice//
Only thing a hoe could give me is braggin' rights//
I'm the truth, hook me to a polygrapgh and test me//
What i got to prove? i paid my dues, i'm debt-free//

let me get some feedback...

A.T. 10-08-03 02:36 AM

its aight... could use a lil more to make the flow right,
but looks like you got the greater aspect of what goes
into a good verse... only thing I could tell ya, is... time
and practice makes perfect...
A.T.

N.D.eva 10-08-03 08:56 AM

it flowed alright, but overasll it was too basic, you should introduce some multis and maybe abit of word play, but seeing as its ya first post, i cant really say too much, you havn,t gained any experience yet. also it,s a bit short

...................................peace!!!!!!

Menik 10-08-03 04:36 PM

Yeah this wasnt that bad...like was said before try some multies...and use some internals to help support the flow...try wordplay too...the structure was alright, could be a little better...but it was a ok piece...it was basic...but keep elevating...keep at it..and keep dropping.

KingOfKings 10-08-03 04:39 PM

room for elevation

lacked in a good amount of areas

keep spittin and keep elevatin

1

e.coli 10-08-03 04:40 PM

yeah this was an aight piece just try an get some word play in yo rhymes to make it flow a lil better. keep elevatin nigga.

holla at yo boi
~1~


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