can i get feedback please. :)
 

okay heres the deal im new here at rapbattles, i was on rapdis a long while back b4 they closed down. ne ways i forgot i had to call someone out to battle em , and i ended up posting this on the battle board withought asking cutastraphe if he wanted to battle. but i dont wanna put these lyrics to waste, cause perhaps i can get some critique off of it... so please leave and give and suggestions that might help me progress.

shoutout to my boi Speak.E.Z
pz,
F-a-L-L-e-N

FaLLeN MaKen an AttAcK @
cutastraphe



what was fallen sure will rise again//
now u gonna have to tend to this new lyrical trend//
speak.e.z old sk00l rapdis friend , u know who this be//
it be me the fallen one reborn wit the strength of ali, and the "gracefullness" of fucking "bamb-i"//
Only wish dis cat were heavy weight nuff to take on a real emcee like Speak.E.Z//
guy flows so "swift" "make a still room feel breezy"//
trying to be a heavy weight , why its measly like ez my words are like proclomations that u couldnt even utter beneath thee//
u be PG for positivly Gang banged out//
bitch u fantasize about my cock in ur mouth//
prolly cause ur bitch given u a wicked stench of trout//
thats half the reason ur sexuality is in doubt//
the other half is for u to figure out//

ez i swear u a "prophit" ur banner "proclaimed my return"//
from rapdis.com to rapbattles is a turn//
like switching record labels and watching the other one burn//
its time for some audio fo show, we need to let off this text get on a mic and flow//
im rated R for my corrosive talk, words seep through u at the speed of mac //
you'll be served and then severed like u lined in obtopsy chalk//
like a crime scene with no evidence, its all obscene the way u spit all errotic//
you call ur self catastropy but really im the one whos catastrophic//
ready to plot shit, while my mind turns more sick then a fucken priest turnen gothic//
fag tactics be underhand, cat lookin for a whore of a man to spend a quik grand//
This guy looken for a quik night of lust with ja to bust to try to expand //
hahahaha dumb rook u prolly dont even understand//
insult ma man again..... heavy weight's got backbone//
u got flexibility when u bend and tend to take it in the rear-end//
so stop trying to play pretend, you aint hard ..... like ur name defined catastrophy's at the end//
so at this point some advice ill lend//
come with the unique speach and pretend//
that ur words and thoughts you can bend//
u gotta make sure ur lyrics have a real message to send//
rapbattles states im a rook and thats a diss, cause i got rhymes flowen out my head like i gotta piss//
youd get squished back in the the days of rapdis//
back in the day where me and e.z used to rhyme with niggas like jadakiss//
your thoughts are a bliss, i could rhyme non stop into a stormy lyrical twist of an abyss//
e.z i know this was ur battle... so u can have round two, cause im only looken for an assist//
so hiss at this cat bout ne thing that i missed//
:whacky:

still looken for feedback

big up FaLLeN Fuck bwoy u shouldnt b on dis crappy website u should b on da radio stations n shit keep on chattin sence;) well done

naaa this site aint crappy and they nough good poets on this site, im just gonna ill round here to build my metaphor structures and my vocab... maybe one day radio, thats far away right now, i wanna start wit some mp3 audio... ne ways yo thanks though .

pz

still uppen

This shit was pretty hot kicko. You had some pretty hot punchs in this drop. Your vocab was straiight, rhyme flowed throughout the verses, topics was good. All in all a pretty nice drop....keep doin yo thang and if you had time could you please peep my new drop "Wondering mind" in the open mic....much appreciated, 1

uppen still

god damn....
1st off its long but thats not a bad thing
i did not get bored with it
couple punches had me like WHOA/OUCH

u got flexibility when u bend and tend to take it in the rear-end//

fav^^

if you would be so kind
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=84636

yo that was straight you'z my boi and you repping this shit to the fullest keep on doing your thing bro you da shit suhn

hahahha ima go bitch slap cutastrophe so i can destroy him and make his skin turn inside out at the sound of the words commin out my mouth... cutastrophe is a week bitch, i was week for posting a battle without asking , but who punks out of a battle against a rook? ima go hit him up with a challenge and if he dont reply ima go buck on his ass.. hahahaa ya know?

much respect to all for the comments,

Respect,
pz

still uppen

uppen

yeah that was an ill drop dawg i loved the vocab amd wordplay amd hell yeah some of tha punches was ill as it could be

that was pretty ill son, u had hella nice vocab and wordplay, ur flow was on target throughout the post, ur content and topic were pretty damn original, that was a nice drop homie, keep postin.

peace......